Sunday, December 30, 2007

Year in Review, Part 8

My sweet sisters...



They love being girls!



At left: Liz enjoying
someone else's garden : )











Below: Ruth, Liz, Joanna

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Year in Review, Part 7


Joanna (12)
is always one of
the first to
head for the creek!






Our family owns a piece of land off the beaten path, about 15 miles away from where we live that's a lovely rolling hayfield. At the back of the land is a spring, creek, and a few acres of woods that rise up steeply on the back side of the creek.
We bought it planning to build a house and move there years ago, but our house didn't sell. Now we're glad that we're still in this house (albeit it a little cramped on our two and a half acres), so we've tried to sell that piece of land, but haven't really had any serious buyers. So, for now, it sits there and we cut the hay and plant about an acre in garden (potatoes, pumpkins, corn, raspberries, etc, that we don't have to spend a lot of time tending) in the spring.
Mom and Jemima spend a lot of time over there this year, clearing brush, planting, making stone pathways by the creek, trying to beautify it. The younger kids usually went along and when taking a break from working on the land, like usual, they found the creek a great place to play.... even if it was freezing cold near the spring!





Someone even
talked Steve
into going
wading for a
few minutes!
It looks rather
cold, though,
doesn't it?

Year in Review, Part 6

Our church rents a lovely campground every Sunday as our meeting place, and in the spring it is particularly beautiful! It is also home to one of the larger springs in the state, and so a favorite activity after church and a potluck lunch is to take a walk down the hill to the spring. The little ones go wading in the freezing water and find crawdads, and the older ones just enjoy listening to the water and visiting... It's a great place to hear yourself think!



The girls are
off to the
spring!











Liz,
Becca,
Jeanette,
Lydia

Year in Review, Part 5

Babies, babies, babies....




They were everywhere
last spring.
We babysat several
toddlers for the
neighbors, had lots
of visitors with
babies, and then the
animals got in on
the fun, too! :)

~Joanna
with Bo







Noah with
his favorite
little friend,
Adam.

We've spent
a lot of time with
Adam ever since
he was 2 months
old, and we've
all "adopted"
him as our favorite
little "nephew." : )
















My cat, Gina, had kittens...
















Sam bought several baby goats, and raised them...

Friday, December 28, 2007

Year in Review, Part 4

My brother, Isaiah, has spent a good part of the last two years working for the Anchor Academy for troubled boys in Montana (recently re-located to Missouri). We're happy that he has the opportunity to make a difference in their lives, but we miss him dreadfully when he's gone from home. This spring, the Anchor made a trip through California, with the boys choir singing in various churches (above).











Zaiah, back home, holding his friend's baby every chance he gets!
I'm sooo glad my brothers love babies and little people! : )



















About a year ago, Zaiah got our younger brother, Abe, "addicted" to working at the Anchor as well. So now we loose both of them a good portion of the time. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, and their "homecomings" are all the more special the less we see them!

(L-R:)
Sam
Ruth
Liz
Abe
Joanna

Year in Review, Part 3


My brother,
Abe,
sharing
the gospel
with
whoever
will listen!
(Memphis, TN
Spring '07)









Throughout the spring, various members of our family enjoyed going to the Springfield square with some of the folks from church who go there faithfully every Friday night to talk with anyone who will listen... about God, life, if the Bible is true, social issues of the day, President Bush, drugs, gangs, creation science, homelessness.... Sometime conversations get really interesting!

At the square, you never know who you are going to meet, or what people hanging out for the evening are going to say or want to talk about. But, the goal is to bring their thoughts to what life is really all about, Who made them, and if they are ready to answer to their Maker someday.

When desiring to share the gospel with someone, I often think of the story of the woman at the well in the Bible. Everyone else ignored the Samaritan woman as she went about her daily tasks. After all, she was of low class, messed up... in short, the Jews didn't talk to people like her.
But Jesus stopped.
He didn't hit her over the head with a fire and brimstone sermon. He didn't bring up her five husbands first. Rather, He showed interest and concern for her as a person. He engaged her in conversation. Then He went straight for her heart. He knew that she was lonely, hurting, and empty... and that is exactly were He steered the conversation. Did she want living water, He asked? He aroused her curiosity... Soon she was asking to know more, to know what he thought about her religion's teachings...
And a few minutes later, she was running back to the city to tell the men that she had found the Messiah. "Come see a Man that told me all things that I ever did!"

That's the goal when we share the gospel at the square -- to bring people to realization of their lives before a holy God, and then to point them to Living Water.

Below: It's the tradition to spend a few hours at the Square, and then head over to Braum's for ice cream and "de-briefing" before heading home. Someone always has quite a story about an experience with someone on the street!

First picture: Some of the dads, in the back ground, some of the girls
Second picture: Some of the younger guys, relating the experiences of the night














Thursday, December 27, 2007

Year in Review, Part 2

One of the first things I did in 2007 was participating in an hour long interview on midwifery with a popular local talk radio station. It was a first time for me to do something like that, but thankfully there were also 2 other mothers, a homebirth dad, and a friendly physician taking part in the live discussion.
Little did I know that in a few short months, I would get as many as a dozen phone calls a day from reporters, all wanting an interview on the same subject!













About the same time, I headed back to our state capitol, to advocate for legalizing midwives in Missouri for the third year in a row.

I distinctly remember my trembling feet as I climbed the long set of stairs to the Capitol building three years ago... and my awe at the soaring architecture and figures high above my head. My sisters and friends who had agreed to come on my adventure all remember my nervous, "Okay, what do we do? Where do we go?" once we got inside the building.

We found the meeting going on in the Capitol basement, and were told to go find our state representative's office and bring him/her a fact sheet about midwives and tell them that we were there in support of the midwifery bill that had just been filed.
















My sisters and I still laugh about that day several years ago. We went to our state representative's office, hoping he wouldn't be in, because we didn't know what to say. It would be bad enough to drop the fact sheet off with his secretary and hope that she understood what we were there for!

Unfortunately, the representative himself was in his office, right behind the door and he asked me to explain my issue. (Talk about scary - and someone in a tweed suit from the Department of Corrections was sitting there beside him with a briefcase of papers strewn about... The corrections guy listened to my whole spiel with a smirk, which made me all the more nervous!)

To make a long story short, I left his office feeling totally foolish and wishing I had never come because I felt as though I had only hurt my cause. I went home and vowed to myself that I would never again come back to try to talk to an elected official because that was not "my thing" and I would never be able to comfortably and articulately explain myself to such people! I'd always known that people and speaking were my weak points in life... Why was I so silly to get into this?

A few months later, I was talked into coming back to the Capitol, and I've pretty much been there ever since, nearly every day that the legislators are there. I still hate public speaking and crowds of people, and thankfully manage to get out of most of that, but I have done things that I would have never thought possible a couple of years ago. I have testified before the Senate Committees, and have spoke (one-on-one) with a majority of the nearly 200 legislators who work in the building. Many of the senators who I once thought were so scary and unreachable are now good friends of mine. Many of the staff people who I preferred to quickly hand a fact sheet to and ask to "pass it on" now love to chat about their kids, cars, gardens, churches, and a million other things when I drop by their offices.

Every single day that I work at the Capitol, I am reminded of how I can't, but God can!
"When I am weak, then am I strong..." I am keenly aware of my inability when it comes to verbal communication, and I find myself constantly crying out for more help and grace from a God who is Big Enough that He never runs out or stops giving when I need it!

The Capitol is no longer frightening to me because it's a big building full of strange people. It's now familiar... almost as much as home. I know every secret stairway, storage room, and crack in the marble. I know the people walking around inside and they know me.

It's no longer scary or huge or unknown... But it's incredibly frustrating to know so much of what happens behind the scenes and be unable to do anything about it. It's so frustrating to know that in that building, justice doesn't always triumph, right doesn't always prevail. Sometime money wins. Sometimes power and greed and pride win at the end of the day.

With all that happens at the Capitol, I find myself needing constant reminders that God IS in control, and He can and will bring justice about someday.

I can't fix anything there, but He can!
I think that needs to be my mantra for 2008! : )

Friday, December 21, 2007

A Year in Review, part 1

As the month of December closes out, I plan to give you a glimpse of my last year in pictures. Unfortunately, some things weren't documented with the camera, and will have to live on only in memory....

The year started out with a New Year's Party at the Voeller's house with nearly everyone from our church. Sadly, for us, the Voeller family moved to Texas about a week ago. We will miss them so much!















We also met one of our new neighbors in January, and she and her four little children began showing up at our house nearly every day. They quickly learned that we would read them stories, play with them, feed them dinner and so on, and their mom said that they would beg to come over all day long until she relented. So, for several months, little children were underfoot nearly every afternoon. We grew as the days went by, and I think (hope) we taught them a few things about loving each other and being kind before they moved on. We've never seen them again, but hope that the couple months they spent here gave them a glimpse of Jesus!
















My friend, Suzanne, had an old-fashioned ladies' tea to celebrate her 16th birthday. She asked everyone to come in full costume. My mom, sisters, and I all went... Suzanne is a very special young lady who we've known since she was 7.




















Of course, my sisters were delighted to have a reason to wear their dress-up clothes
and hoop skirts!




















I think Jemima had more fun fixing my hair than I had wearing it! The dried flowers kept crumbling, but it was really pretty. : )




















And, lastly, the whole gaggle of girls at the party. Yes, there was a LOT of giggling!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Living Life for the Right Reason

Several years ago, I undertook a job that would require me to demonstrate leadership abilities to people who weren't always happy followers. Some of those who I was put in charge of downright resented anyone telling them what to do. Some of them just didn't like to work. Some of them thought I was a "little favorite" and that it was unfair that I had been placed in charge of them. I heard about it from them nearly every day in one way or another.

Other people in my life frowned on what I was doing, thinking it wasn't my place, or that I should have found someone else to do it, or that I should have done more, or that I should have done less...

One day, I found this little quote, and taped it to my computer monitor. It's been there ever since, and I still glance down with gratefulness from time to time when I read, "Living your life for the glory of God alone.... frees you from having to prove that you are right."

Living your life for the Glory of God Alone...

Frees you from the fear of man
Frees you from perfection
Frees you from having to prove that you are right
Frees you from insecurity
Gives you contentment and peace.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear...

It came upon a midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth
To touch their harps of gold;
"Peace on the earth, good will to men
From heaven's all-gracious King" -
The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

But with the woes of sin and strife
The world has suffered long;
Beneath the angel-strain have rolled
Two thousand years of wrong;
And man, at war with man, hears not
The love-song which they bring; -
Oh hush the noise, ye men of strife,
And hear the angels sing!

Edmund Hamilton Sears (1810-1876)

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Pride... and getting rid of it quickly!

In the Bible, there are many references to humbling ourselves so that God and others won't have to do it.

Isn't it horrible to watch someone who has allowed pride to fester and grow and grow in their lives to suddenly fall flat other face in a huge and ugly way? Of course, it is usually for their own good, and when they pick themselves up and brush themselves off, they are often kinder, gentler, and much nicer, more lovable people with a proper estimation of themselves.

My prayer for several years each day has been that God will humble me when a little bit of pride starts to creep into my heart and that immediately I would fall and be reminded again of just who I am! It's so much easier to trip frequently, then to hang onto your pride until it's such a load that it nearly crushes you when you finally fall over under the weight of your own head full of thoughts about yourself!

I am so prone to pride, but God is SO faithful to humble me if I just ask. He's more than happy to send a circumstance my way that will humble me NOW rather than watch me wallow around in pride for months before I realize that I need help!

I was so excited to get this list of "Ways to Humble Yourself" (mostly credited to Bill Gothard) awhile ago. I can't say that I review it often enough, but it's something everyone should copy and stick in their Bible or on the mirror or bulletin board for daily review.

God resists [actively fights against] the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

There is nothing that others dislike in your life more than an attitude of pride.

The process of getting rid of it may be long and hard and painful, but why would you want it?
Who would hang onto a cancer that was destroying their life?


Ways to Daily Humble Yourself

  1. Submit to God-ordained authorities. Dan. 4:37
  2. Admit faults and needs. James 5:16
  3. Ask forgiveness. Joshua 7:19
  4. Praise your competitors and help them. Matt. 5:44
  5. Welcome criticism and grow from it. Rom. 12:14
  6. Bless those who curse you. Matt. 5:44
  7. Deflect praise that is given to you. Rom. 13:7
  8. Make others’ schedules and plans more important than your own plans.
  9. Listen to others rather than talking about yourself.
  10. Serve others. Phil. 2:4
  11. Give sacrificially. Prov. 13:7
  12. Consider God’s works – nature, etc. Ps. 8:3-4
  13. Kneel in humility “Bow low” – Ps. 95:6
  14. Express gratefulness. Ps 103:1-5
  15. Weep over sin. James 4:9
  16. Ask others to point out blind spots. Prov. 27:6
  17. Don’t defend yourself.
  18. Get rid of “status symbols” Matt. 11:8-11
  19. Honor the Lord’s Day. Isa. 58:13, 14
  20. Don’t put others down in conversation. Prov. 26:18, 19
  21. Ask God daily to show you pride in your life.
  22. Ask God daily to humble you.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Compromise

Compromise occurs
when I sacrifice...
something lasting
for something fleeting
the holy for the unholy
the heavenly
for the earthly
the eternal
for the temporary.
That which I gain
in so doing will never
be worth the price
that I have to pay for it.

Shirlissa Harris

Sunday, December 9, 2007

The Snake's Reasoning

"What do you want more than anything else in life?" I asked. "God's choices or your own?"

"God's of course."

"What if He should choose for you [something you don't want]?"

"Oh, but He wouldn't!"

"Why not?"

"Because He loves me..."

.... "So if you don't get [what you want], will that prove God doesn't love you?"

The blue eyes filled with tears. "Doesn't He want me to be happy?"
(I thought I heard an echo of Eve in Eden.)

"He wants you most to be holy....
He wanted Adam and Ever to be happy, but He didn't give them everything they wanted. He knew it would be the death of them. So they got mad and decided He was being stingy when He told them not to touch the fruit. How could He love them if He didn't let them have it? They put more stock in the snake's reasoning than in God's."

Elisabeth Elliot,
Passion and Purity, chapter 6 - "The Snake's Reasoning

Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving Day

You're probably all tired of hearing about me being sick, but I learned a lot of lessons during the two weeks I had nothing to do but stay in my bedroom and think. : )
I'll quit talking about it after this post!

When our family came down sick with a nasty flu virus in early November, I was about the fourth person to get sick. For most of the family, it lasted about one week - a fever of 103-104 and a headache and congestion, and a cough that hung on for more than a week. One by one, the others got well, and some of the others got sick and got well again.

Except for me.
I, who often manage to avoid getting the colds going around, just stayed sick. I got sick on Monday, and had lots of appointments scheduled throughout the week. I rescheduled most things for the weekend, assuming I'd be well enough to drag myself wherever I needed to go by Friday and Saturday. When the weekend came and I was still as sick as ever, I was still upbeat. I'd be well next week. So, I rescheduled my appointments for Tuesday.
I managed to count my blessings. I was glad this wasn't a stomach flu, and I thought of all the things that could be wrong with me, but weren't.

Tuesday came. My fever was still 103 and I felt no better. I rescheduled my appointments again and did all I could to get well for our Thanksgiving company, Abe and Ellie, and their kids who were supposed to be arriving the next day (Wednesday). I was sure I'd be out of bed by Thanksgiving Day. I couldn't help but be well by then. My other siblings were all bouncing around, cleaning and cooking and preparing for company.

Thanksgiving Day arrived... with my fever, aches, and cough. I managed to drag myself down and flop into the recliner and eat a few bites of turkey dinner. Everyone else was chattering happily and sampling pies when I miserably stumbled back up the stairs to bed. My headache had returned with a vengeance and I felt nauseous now, too. I wondered if it was because this was the first real food I had eaten in over a week.

Whatever the case, as the afternoon wore on and the laughter and gaiety floated up the stairs, all kinds of cross, miserable thoughts flitted across my stale, muddled brain. Why couldn't I just get well?? In my feverish misery I asked myself, When will this end? Maybe I never will get well... Maybe I'll just reschedule things week after week, ever following the illusion that someday I will be well....

Of course, in the back of my mind, I knew those thoughts weren't true, but it felt good to finally just give in to self-pity.

Then the words of the CD playing in the hall caught my attention -

Whither shall I go from Thy spirit?
Or whither shall I flee from Thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, Thou art there: if I make my bed
in hell, behold, Thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall Thy hand lead me,
and thy right hand shall hold me. (Ps. 139)

God's hand is leading me here?
God is here with me?
Doesn't he want me there - being well again, serving Him?

No. God's hand has led me here.

I may not like it, but I can take His hand, and walk forward here,
not waiting to follow till I'm there - well again.

As I chose to focus on the Truth, I found myself praying for several friends of ours whose situations made mine seem really trivial and silly. And by the time I finished interceding on their behalf, I had a new attitude - one of deep gratitude!

Friday, December 7, 2007

A Field of White Crosses

Last summer my brother, Isaiah, started talking about a memorial he wanted to put up, showing people the enormous number of abortions that occur in our country.

He wanted a field of white crosses, one for every life that was snuffed out before it had a chance to be seen and loved and valued....

He'd seen a similar thing in Southeast Missouri along the highway where there is a field full of thousands of white crosses - one for every American baby aborted in one day.
Zaiah never secured a field big enough to do that, but some friends of ours own a strip of wooded land along the local major highway and agreed to let him put his memorial there. He's been working on clearing it and cleaning out the brush for several months whenever he has a bit of spare time.

Last week, he finally accomplished what he's been wanting to do for so long, and put up 77 white crosses - one for every baby aborted every 30 minutes in the United States. His sign, explaining the memorial, isn't up yet but hopefully will be finished in a week or two...



The work
crew -
Dad,
my brothers,
guys from
church....







I love his memorial, because it doesn't point fingers or shout ugly things like "baby killer!"

... It just quietly reminds us all of the enormity of life - the future of our country - lost, flushed, burnt, as though it were rubble, thrown out as though it were the pile of shredded paperwork at the end of a business day.















I used to have a bumper sticker on my car that read,
"Children: Our most precious natural resource."

When will our country realize the value of little people?

When will we realize that Jesus loved little children, even when they were "inconvenient" and didn't fit into His schedule and plans?

If we ever expect secular society to value children, we will have to value them and desire them first in our own lives.














Zaiah with his memorial, as seen from the highway.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Some of you who have known our family for a long time will remember Melody. She lived with our family for about a year in 2001 while her parents were going through a very ugly divorce situation.

Back then, Melody was 16, and with all the turmoil in her so-called Christian family, she didn't know what to believe anymore. When she left our family and moved on, we were very sad as she had become like a sister and daughter to our family. We didn't know what to do except pray for her.

For several years, she turned her back on everything she had been taught and found herself in a depressed, downward spiral. Her life was a mess - drugs, broken, abusive relationships, and a very lost and miserable Melody.

A couple of years ago, in desperation, Melody sought the truth. The truth set her free, and she found herself unconditionally loved by the God she had spent so much time running away from.

Many friends still ask how she's doing. I decided it's time to give you all and update AND a picture of her with her sweet little boys!

Melody is now happily married to a wonderful guy and just had her second baby. She is delighting in being a wife and mother, and life is good. My sisters recently stayed with her for a few days to help her get back on her feet after the birth and came home all smiles about what a joy it is to see Melody loving the Lord and seeking to please Him with her life. It brings a smile to my face just to see or think of her and her joy.

I'm so thankful that God loves us enough to seek us as wanderers from the fold....
















O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Plenty of People Willing to be Great
















There are plenty of people willing to be great.
Are there any willing to be humble?

There's plenty of people willing to work on the stage.
Are there any willing to work behind the scenes?

There's plenty of people willing to do the big things.
Are there any willing to do the little things?

Unknown


Tuesday, December 4, 2007

When there's no right answer

Some days there are no good answers.

Some days there are no good choices.

Some day there are no obvious solutions to a problem....

Only ugly choices, bad decisions, and more
complicated situations to walk into.

In spite of all that, Habakkuk 3: 17-18 remains true...
Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet will I rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Even when everything is falling apart, God is still good!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Eternity... Where?











Eternity, where?
It floats in the air....

As a little girl, the words to that song always sounded so strange. What did it mean?

Eternity can be frighteningly big and long and weird to think about... Especially if you don't know what eternity holds for you.

Most of my life, I haven't worried about eternity - for myself, anyway, because I settled that question as a very little girl.

I can confidently say:
Upon a life I did not live, Upon a death I did not die,
Upon another's life, another's death,
I stake my whole eternity.

Every time I quote that, the enormity and wonderfulness of the statement sends a thrill through me!

That word eternity also sends shivers up my back in a not-so-happy way when I think of many, many people who I know and love who do not love the One Who gave His life for them.

A few weeks ago, I was spending the night somewhere with a friend. I woke in the night and rolled over, seeing her sleeping form in the next bed, and a sadness drifted through me. I couldn't go back to sleep as I pondered the reality of her, now peacefully sleeping, someday oh, so soon, facing a Holy God to Who she will give account of every deed and word. Some such words she had just uttered that afternoon - an affront to the God who has long sought her and loved her.

She's a wonderfully sweet, intelligent person, one who I love dearly and would do anything for. And yet, her life, her actions, and yes, her very words, mock her Maker every day. She has created a god of her own imagination - one that is happy with whatever she chooses to do.

I spent awhile agonizing over where she is currently heading as she faces eternity, and then praying for her until I fell back asleep.

The next day I was reading a booklet which had an article entitled, "The Cry of the Soul of the Damned."

These lines just jumped off the page at me:
Why was intelligence given to me, that I might take care for my immortal soul,
and yet I did so little with it?
Why was reasoning given to me, yet I made light of any preparations for my future?
I was made with an immortal soul, and yet I lived as though there was no eternity...


Sometimes I hear non-Christian people say, But your God is so harsh. There is no room for anything but heaven or hell. Why would a good and loving God send people to hell... especially people who have lived good and decent lives and never hurt anybody?


In recent days, I've read a couple of quotes from various books that have spoken beautifully to this line of thinking:

~We are all sinners, from toddlers throwing temper tantrums to adults in road rage. Sin is rebellion against God - His laws, His provision, His Word. Sin is shaking our fist in the face of a perfect, holy, just, and loving God, and telling Him that we don't want to be told what to do.
Carolyn McCully

~Blame was the second sin. Adam fell by eating the forbidden fruit, but he cut himself off from restoration when he blamed God for giving him the woman who "caused" him to disobey. May we take responsibility for what we, the human race, have done (read the paper any day for a sampling of what we are like, or think back through your own failures!), and give God the glory for what HE has done (read the wondrous offer of salvation to sinners!)!
Anonymous

The greatest truth is that God is not severe -- sin is severe, and mankind is cruel.
Micheal Pearl

Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving Day

You're probably all tired of hearing about me being sick, but I learned a lot of lessons during the two weeks I had nothing to do but stay in my bedroom and think. : )
I'll quit talking about it after this post!

When our family came down sick with a nasty flu virus in early November, I was about the fourth person to get sick. For most of the family, it lasted about one week - a fever of 103-104 and a headache and congestion, and a cough that hung on for more than a week. One by one, the others got well, and some of the others got sick and got well again.

Except for me.
I, who often manage to avoid getting the colds going around, just stayed sick. I got sick on Monday, and had lots of appointments scheduled throughout the week. I rescheduled most things for the weekend, assuming I'd be well enough to drag myself wherever I needed to go by Friday and Saturday. When the weekend came and I was still as sick as ever, I was still upbeat. I'd be well next week. So, I rescheduled my appointments for Tuesday.
I managed to count my blessings. I was glad this wasn't a stomach flu, and I thought of all the things that could be wrong with me, but weren't.

Tuesday came. My fever was still 103 and I felt no better. I rescheduled my appointments again and did all I could to get well for our Thanksgiving company, Abe and Ellie, and their kids who were supposed to be arriving the next day (Wednesday). I was sure I'd be out of bed by Thanksgiving Day. I couldn't help but be well by then. My other siblings were all bouncing around, cleaning and cooking and preparing for company.

Thanksgiving Day arrived... with my fever, aches, and cough. I managed to drag myself down and flop into the recliner and eat a few bites of turkey dinner. Everyone else was chattering happily and sampling pies when I miserably stumbled back up the stairs to bed. My headache had returned with a vengeance and I felt nauseous now, too. I wondered if it was because this was the first real food I had eaten in over a week.

Whatever the case, as the afternoon wore on and the laughter and gaiety floated up the stairs, all kinds of cross, miserable thoughts flitted across my stale, muddled brain. Why couldn't I just get well?? In my feverish misery I asked myself, When will this end? Maybe I never will get well... Maybe I'll just reschedule things week after week, ever following the illusion that someday I will be well....

Of course, in the back of my mind, I knew those thoughts weren't true, but it felt good to finally just give in to self-pity.
















Then the words of the CD playing in the hall caught my attention -

Whither shall I go from Thy spirit?
Or whither shall I flee from Thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, Thou art there: if I make my bed
in hell, behold, Thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall Thy hand lead me,
and thy right hand shall hold me. (Ps. 139)

God's hand is leading me here?
God is here with me?
Doesn't he want me there - being well again, serving Him?

No. God's hand has led me here.

I may not like it, but I can take His hand, and walk forward here,
not waiting to follow till I'm there - well again.

As I chose to focus on the Truth, I found myself praying for several friends of ours whose situations made mine seem really trivial and silly. And by the time I finished interceding on their behalf, I had a new attitude - one of deep gratitude!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Some Men Die...

Some men die in battle,
Some men die in flames,
But most men die inch by inch
While playing silly little games.