A Summer Away From Facebook

I'm sure some of my friends wonder what happened and why I left Facebook for now, after being a prolific Facebook poster for several years. There really wasn't (and isn't) any stunningly huge reason, other than that I simply felt the Lord asking me to do it. It was amazing how simple it was for me to give it up, too. I just said, "Okay, Lord" and actually began looking forward to life without Facebook for awhile.

It started this spring, as the Lord began convicting me of attitudes and habits in my life that didn't please Him. And chief of all sins, was that my habits and ways of wrong thinking didn't bother me enough to change them. I wanted to change them... I'd resolve to do better... but so soon I'd be living the same old busy, self-absorbed, God-forgetting, people-pleasing way.

Which meant that I really wasn't very serious about changing. People who say they're preparing to be professional athletes or musicians and can barely squeeze in a little time each day to practice show by their actions what really matters to them in life. They can say whatever they want to about their desires and goals, but it's obvious to everyone where their priorities lie. So lived I my life.

God brought it up to me over and over. I was miserable - trapped in a life of pressing needs and clamoring noise, knowing I needed God more, but living a barren inner life. How can one give God to others if you aren't full of Him yourself?

My dear sister-in-law gave me a book on Brokenness that I managed to read in snatches over Spring. The Lord used that book to show me how wrong, dead wrong my heart was. I was existing as a Christian, looking like and acting like one to all the world around me, but not living, fully living - drinking at the Springs of Living water, every day, all day any more....

The difference between doing and being something is so vastly huge! I realized that although I still looked and acted much the same outwardly as I did back when my heart was right, inwardly I was withering. I'd lived the Christian life long enough, that I could get up every morning and "do" it... be kind, servant-hearted, cheerful, forgiving... but did I love God with all my heart? Did I crave Him? Did I still know and walk with Him as I used to?

I then spent a few days at a Bible conference, seeking God. He kept peeling back the layers of my heart with every message I heard, every chapter in the Bible that I read, and every time I sought God in prayer. Showing me my heart, probing into the corners... reminding me that He resists the proud but gives grace to the humble and that He is near to the brokenhearted.

Did I really care more about living a life that people agree with and being a person who they like, or did I care most about what God wanted from my life? ...All so elementary, but all so fresh again when your heart is all wrong and you didn't even realize the half of the ugliness of it all!

There was also another situation going on in a friend's life that had been heavy on my heart for months. During this time, God pointed His finger at my heart as the prophet Nathan once did to King David and said, "Thou art the man!" All of the grieving I had done over this dear, dear friend of mine growing cold towards and then leaving her husband and children.... God showed me that she had done it to another sinful human being... but I had done it to Him, my Creator, Redeemer, the Holy, Almighty God. I no longer loved him like I should, not because I had any reason not to love Him, but just because I was busy and full of everything but God. I can rarely remember being so convicted and grieved by my own sin and my own heart as at that moment as I realized that God's words from James 4:4 rang true in my own life: "Ye adulterers and adulteresses...!"

God brought me to a point of desperation to again have a pure heart, a broken and contrite heart before Him, a heart that I wouldn't exchange even a little piece of for anything in all the world or in all of this life.... A heart desperately hungry for God... to love Him, to know Him, to delight in Him, and Him alone!

All of these things I've always said in my head. There's never been a day in the last twenty years, when I haven't thought these things or wanted my relationship with Jesus Christ to be like that.

But living these things is different. It's one thing to resolve to know and love God as He is worthy of. It's an entirely different thing to roll yourself out of bed an hour or two earlier after only a few hours of sleep to seek Him until you find Him, instead of just functioning on fumes. It's one thing to realize that you need God more than anything else in the world. It's an entirely different thing to live that way - to let urgent work pile up and cancel fun events because there is nothing that needs to be done more than to commune with God and listen to His voice.

As the Lord humbled me and crumbled every last little thing that I might have thought I was doing "good" or right, I began to desperately want to bring Him pleasure, and the slightest care about what anyone else thought or approved of faded. It has become one of my goals this year to live for an audience of One - God, and Him alone.

Which brings us to Facebook. Sometimes Facebook makes me feel like I live in a viewing tank with many folks visiting my life and sharing their opinions. It's not all bad, in fact, often it's helpful or nice. My goals for Facebook have always been to encourage and inspire others to seek what matters most in life; to make them think; to be real and honest about myself, and if nothing else, to just make people smile. But, in my quest for seeking the pleasure of an audience of One, I thought that might be easiest without the distraction of other people's commentary on my life or opinions. :)

Facebook hasn't taken up a ton of my time in the last year because I rarely log onto it when I'm on the computer. I usually just Facebook from my Blackberry while I'm waiting in line or elsewhere have 2 minutes with "nothing else to do."

Nothing else, that is... except seek God. He can be sought anywhere. I don't ever see myself having a slow-paced life and easy routine that makes it easy to seek God and spend lots of time in His Word. I don't have slow mornings in my jammies with tea and my Bible. I have 2 am calls from frantic mamas who need me now.... or if I wake up in my own bed in the morning, there's an incredible amount of things to be done around here, like my own mother needing my help. Evenings are no better. Days are non-stop. Sometimes there just are a hundred things that HAVE to be done.

Mothers of little ones find this true. You can't wait to nurse the baby just because you haven't spent some time with the Lord yet. The toddler wakes up at 5:30, crying that he's wet again... and the four year old wakes up throwing up, regardless of whether you've read your Bible or had enough sleep. Sometimes you just have to be a mom. Some days I just have to be a midwife, and a sister and daughter and caregiver....

But above all, I HAVE to seek God. I have to love Him. I have to know Him. I have to live for Him! THAT is the cry of my heart. If my heart is desperate enough, I will seek Him daily and above all else in life!

I plan to come to back to Facebook and I'm not making a lot of other major changes to life... except that regardless of what else happens, I need God.... enough of Him to fill my heart to overflowing, every day. And I intend to live that way!

Forgiven Souls

A few tidbits from J.C. Ryle this morning:

Forgiven souls hate sin.

Remember the woman in Simon's house weeping at Jesus feet over her sin? (Luke 7:38)

Remember how the Ephesians publicly burned their wicked books? (Acts 19:19)

Remember how Paul mourned over his youthful transgressions? (I Cor. 15:9)

Forgiven souls love Christ.

As Jesus said to Simon, "Her sins, which are man, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little." (Luke 7:47)

John 5:23

I Cor. 16:22

Forgiven souls are humble.

Forgiveness produces the spirit of Jacob: "I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and all the truth which Thou hast showed unto Thy servant." (Genesis 32:10)

It produces the heart of Hezekiah: "I shall go softly all my years..." (Isaiah 38:15)

And that of the Apostle Paul: "I am less than the least of all saints - chief of sinners." (Ephesians 3:8, I Timothy 1:15)

Forgiven souls are holy.

"What shall I render to the LORD for all His benefits?" (Psalm 116:12)

Zacchaeus pardon made him say, "The half of my goods I give to the poor, and if I have taken anything from any man by false accusation, I restore him four-fold." (Luke 19:8)

Forgiven souls are forgiving.

They endeavour to "Walk in love, as Christ loved them, and gave Himself for them." (Eph. 5:2)

Forgiveness is the way by which every saved soul enters heaven. Forgiveness is the only title by which he remains in heaven. Forgiveness is the eternal song of the with all the redeemed who inhabit heaven. Surely an unforgiving soul in heaven would find his heart completely out of tune.

And lastly, the most important thing - Are you forgiven?

How can you be content to leave it uncertain whether you are forgiven? Surely that a man can make his will, insure his life, given directions about his funeral, and yet leave his soul's affairs in uncertainty, is an astonishing thing indeed.

Jesus calls out, "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Thousands and tens of thousands have sought for pardon at the mercy seat of Jesus Christ, and not one has ever returned to say that he sought in vain. Sinners of every name and nation - sinners of every sort and description - have knocked at the door of the fold, and none have ever been refused admission. Zacchaeus the extortioner, Mary Magdalen the harlot, Saul the persecutor, Peter the denier of his Lord, the Jews who crucified their Messiah, the idolatrous Athenians, the adulterous Corinthians, the ignorant Africans, the bloodthirsty New Zealanders - all have ventured their souls on Christ's promises of pardon, and none have ever found them fail.

-- J.C. Ryle (1816-1900)

That Dad of Mine

My 60 year old dad... is. a . saint. He spent his whole evening cleaning off and washing a huge pile of poopy diapers for another family who had something unexpected come up and ended up with about five days worth of dirty cloth diapers. Dad did it cheerfully with a smile, humming to himself while he scraped poo into the toilet... for several hours.

His servant's heart has always led we children by example, rather than lectures.

When Jesus told his disciples to wash each other's feet, I think He would have meant things like washing other peoples' toddler diapers, too....

I'm so grateful that God gave me a dad like him.

Lord, make me a servant. One willing to do the nastiest job with a song in my heart.

A Right Estimation of One's Self

Humility is a right estimation of one's self. Not more, not less than what one really is. Humility is the willingness to be known, to be talked about, to be thought about, and to be treated just according to the truth. Poor, lost, wandering souls... only of any value because of a kind and merciful God took what was worthless and redeemed it!

Humility is living in the constant awareness of the importance of other people - their needs, their struggles, their hurts, their joys and dreams, their lives. If I am humble, my life and wants and rights will not be so important.... because I see myself for who I really am - very small and unworthy!

- Some thoughts from Matthew Henry and Steve Gallagher, put into my own words. :)

Assumptions and Presumptions

I hate it when people make assumptions about what I'm doing or why I'm doing it.

Given the life I live, which isn't quite what most Christian young women my age are doing, I've been given lectures and rebukes and disapproving looks plenty of times from well-meaning friends. It seems like most of the time when someone has actually said something, those were the times when I didn't need a rebuke! Those were the times that I actually felt confident that I was doing what God wanted me to or the times when I was doing exactly what I could and should to the best of my abilities. On the other hand, there have been plenty of times when a loving rebuke would have been quite appropriate and no one said anything!

I'll never forget the time when a friend rebuked me for something it looked like I had been doing. In actuality, what I was accused of had not even crossed my mind. I was shocked and hurt. What?! I was too embarrassed to even try to defend myself and explain what the situation really was. But it taught me a lesson to think not once, not twice, but several times before I decide to correct someone or presume upon their motives.

Well, I thought I had learned that lesson.

I recently found myself greatly humbled when I realized that I had presumed on a friend's very noble motives.

To me, it looked like this friend was motivated by a great deal of pride and selfishness in several major decisions that they had made. This wasn't one of those situations where one should just not form an opinion because one doesn't know the whole story. No, indeed - in this situation things looked very obvious. It appeared that such choices could have no other root than selfishness itself. This person even made several comments about why they were doing such things, and it confirmed what I had suspected.

I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about my friend's motives or worrying about their choices for life, but when someone else commented on what a sad choice this person had made, I agreed and added something about unselfishness being a virtue of which most people have much to learn.

And then I heard something from someone else. This friend was making these choices, not because they wanted to or would have chose such a course for themselves, but out of honor to parents who wanted something different. And they hadn't wanted anyone to criticize or dishonor their parents, so they had done the best they could to take responsibility for what they were doing and move forward, trying to enjoy what they were embarking upon.

I was speechless...

I hope I'll remember for a long, long time that even if it looks like I see the whole picture, I probably don't.

Esteeming others as better than myself means that I will be more likely to dismiss their shortcomings and errors and make excuses for what they do that I would my very own self!

Ummm... I have a long way to go!

When Divine Wisdom Becomes Ours

Not until we have become humble and teachable, standing in awe of God's holiness and sovereignty... acknowledging our own littleness, distrusting our own thoughts, and willing to have our minds turned upside down, can divine wisdom be ours.
J. I. Packer

Pride... and getting rid of it quickly!

In the Bible, there are many references to humbling ourselves so that God and others won't have to do it.

Isn't it horrible to watch someone who has allowed pride to fester and grow and grow in their lives to suddenly fall flat other face in a huge and ugly way? Of course, it is usually for their own good, and when they pick themselves up and brush themselves off, they are often kinder, gentler, and much nicer, more lovable people with a proper estimation of themselves.

My prayer for several years each day has been that God will humble me when a little bit of pride starts to creep into my heart and that immediately I would fall and be reminded again of just who I am! It's so much easier to trip frequently, then to hang onto your pride until it's such a load that it nearly crushes you when you finally fall over under the weight of your own head full of thoughts about yourself!

I am so prone to pride, but God is SO faithful to humble me if I just ask. He's more than happy to send a circumstance my way that will humble me NOW rather than watch me wallow around in pride for months before I realize that I need help!

I was so excited to get this list of "Ways to Humble Yourself" (mostly credited to Bill Gothard) awhile ago. I can't say that I review it often enough, but it's something everyone should copy and stick in their Bible or on the mirror or bulletin board for daily review.

God resists [actively fights against] the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

There is nothing that others dislike in your life more than an attitude of pride.

The process of getting rid of it may be long and hard and painful, but why would you want it?
Who would hang onto a cancer that was destroying their life?

Ways to Daily Humble Yourself

1. Submit to God-ordained authorities. Dan. 4:37
2. Admit faults and needs. James 5:16
3. Ask forgiveness. Joshua 7:19
4. Praise your competitors and help them. Matt. 5:44
5. Welcome criticism and grow from it. Rom. 12:14
6. Bless those who curse you. Matt. 5:44
7. Deflect praise that is given to you. Rom. 13:7
8. Make others’ schedules and plans more important than your own plans.
9. Listen to others rather than talking about yourself.
10. Serve others. Phil. 2:4
11. Give sacrificially. Prov. 13:7
12. Consider God’s works – nature, etc. Ps. 8:3-4
13. Kneel in humility “Bow low” – Ps. 95:6
14. Express gratefulness. Ps 103:1-5
15. Weep over sin. James 4:9
16. Ask others to point out blind spots. Prov. 27:6
17. Don’t defend yourself.
18. Get rid of “status symbols” Matt. 11:8-11
19. Honor the Lord’s Day. Isa. 58:13, 14
20. Don’t put others down in conversation. Prov. 26:18, 19
21. Ask God daily to show you pride in your life.
22. Ask God daily to humble you.

Plenty of People Willing to be Great

There are plenty of people willing to be great.
Are there any willing to be humble?

There's plenty of people willing to work on the stage.
Are there any willing to work behind the scenes?

There's plenty of people willing to do the big things.
Are there any willing to do the little things?

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