The Threesome at the Capitol

Halley in one of the giant urns behind the Governor's portico

Mary in the Governor's garden

Sarah in the Governor's garden

As the years have passed at the Capitol, I have wanted to quit lobbying for midwifery in Missouri and move on with my life. I complained to a friend one day, "My idea was not to be 60 and still running around as a lobbyist! This was so not what I planned to do with my life!"
And yet, there was something that needed to be done, and someone needed to do it.
So, I went back, year after year.

I would come home at the end of session and tell my family that "next year will be different... I won't be at the Capitol all the time..." But the replacement I prayed for didn't appear. So I kept going back. That is till this year.

When session ended in 2008, I knew that I had to get away from the Capitol for a good long time to maintain my sanity, my heart, my vision, my morality. I vowed not to be there full time in 2009, and I meant it completely. But I had no idea who would be there to keep tabs on things and make sure that the law we had worked so long to pass wasn't instantly repealed...

The Lord provided in such an amazing way that I was shocked...
"If God should open the windows of heaven, might this thing be?"
Yes.

My replacement came in the form of two very dear friends, Halley and Sarah.
They have been there day in and day out this year and I have only occasionally popped in for a few days when something more than usual was going on.

Last week was the last week of the 2009 legislative session. I spent part of it at the Capitol with Sarah and Halley, so thankful that they were shouldering the work and I was just tagging along!
On Thursday afternoon, we left the building for a couple of hours while the Senate went into recess and had a lot of fun posing for pictures all around the Capitol.

Thank you, Sarah and Halley!

Wading in the fountain in front of the Capitol.
The sign didn't say, "Don't wade in the fountains";
it only said, "Please don't step on the tulips..."
So, we pulled off our pumps and pantyhose and went wading!

The door at the top of the front Capitol steps
leading to the third floor rotunda must be about 20 feet high.
Here, we do a symbolic pose: "Free the midwives!" :)

The Capitol as it overlooks the Missouri River.
The Governor's office is located inside the high arched windows on the second floor.

The Capitol from the front...

Day is done... Caucusing in our favorite office hang-out.
The Representative who resides in this office went home hours ago.
But for us, there's still the House and Senate Journal
and various bills to finish reading,
strategy to figure out, and plans to make for tomorrow...


Thank you to my sister, Ruth, for spending her day chasing us with the camera! :)

My 300th post. Wow!

This is my 300th post to my blog. It feels kinda historic! Anyway, I'm just glad I've had the consistency to keep blogging semi-regularily since late 2007! I really enjoy blogging when I can find the time, so I hope to continue to blog til ???

If I don't know you read my blog, I'd love to know you exist - either by becoming one of my "followers", leaving me a comment or emailing me at wewouldseejesus {at} gmail {dot} com. :)



It's late, or rather, early. I really should go to bed. Especially after last night. Sarah and I talked til the inordinate hour of.... well, I shan't say. But it wasn't too long before the sun came up. And then we had to get up and go back to the Capitol before long. Thankfully Halley came early, because we arrived late.

But I've been away from my blog too long, so I'll leave you with a few ramblings about my life, before I head upstairs...

Today was a good one. There were lots of little things that were just nice... and happy.

I'm spending a few days at the Capitol again, keeping an eye on bills as the session winds down for the year. The pace is so different from last year, though. We're not trying to pass anything. Just make sure nothing bad (like a repeal of our new midwifery law) happens. It's sooo much easier to just stop bad things, than to try to find the strength to push and shove a bill across the finish line.

And I can't even begin to say how nice it has been to have Sarah and Halley at the Capitol taking my place this year. I really felt like I could NOT go back another year full time. Years of being there had just been enough and I felt like it was time to refresh my soul somewhere else!

After a few days of gray skies and rain and mud, the sun shone gloriously today. As I drove back across town this morning, flowers were smiling cheerfully from yards everywhere.
No wind, just a beautiful, still day with a bright sky overhead. The Capitol lawn is so lovely this time of year. I could sit there for hours and read a book or just think, but today I only had time to hustle past the bus loads of school kids and hurry inside.

I'm just really sorry that I missed the magnolias that surround the Capitol. I've been there to see them bloom for four years, and this year when I came back, their petals were just lying on the ground, old and brown.

When I arrived this morning, I found a parking space right on the circle drive around the Capitol. No parking garage fees, and best of all my car 2 blocks closer to the Capitol! Happiness!

And I found a bit of time to study in between talking to lobbyists who had to fill me in on what I hadn't seen or heard the day before.

It was Ice Cream Day at the Capitol. It's served in the rotunda - big, heaping banana splits for everyone walking through the Capitol who wanted one. (Yesterday was Pie Day - Senator Champion served about 15 kinds of pie all afternoon to anyone and everyone who wanted some.) Those serving the free food must groan when they see the 90 children on a field trip coming towards their table!

Anyway, I'm digressing... I had a banana split and found a few minutes to sit and eat it and talk to Halley and make plans with her. I'm so excited that she's going to get to come to do some prenatals with my preceptor and me this summer!

Session ended early! The sun was still shining when Sarah and I wrapped up our work and left the building! That felt amazing, considering it's the end of session.

Then I headed across town to get some shopping done for an upcoming wedding. (I wasn't really very successful in finding the gift I wanted, but oh well.) Who should I meet at the front register but Mr. and Mrs. Nisbett?! It was so fun to bump into them there!

Back at home, my family is busy planting the garden. And harvesting... I cannot believe how well our greens and baby spinach and lettuce is doing. I brought a big bag of it with me, and am piling my lunch sandwiches full of fresh greens each day. Yum!

I plan to drive home tomorrow afternoon. And then another busy day starts over.

I've been thinking about I Thess. 5:6 all day:
"Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober."

I'm so complacent and sleepy at times when it comes to my life that it is scary.
I must ask myself constantly, Am I living an intentional life or just drifting with what comes my way?
Dilligence requires action on my part. Soberness requires an alertness and an awareness to life around me.

Sarah just reminded me last night of the command to "keep yourselves in the love of God." Yes, in the love of God. That is where I want to be. Sober, watching, happy

A Politician's Soul

Since entering the world of politics several years ago, I have become every increasingly aware of finding the lack of something that I treasure greatly...

Honesty.

Sure. Everybody talks about politicians and how you can't believe anything they say.
There are plenty of jokes. I thought I'd heard them all.

But on those days where it was really just me and them, it grew glaringly obvious.

When a friend of mine decided to run for public office, she privately told me, "You know, I've become a different person since I started campaigning. I no longer just say what I really believe and think. I screen it to make it what this person wants to hear. I hardly know who I am anymore, because I'm saying stuff that really isn't me or anything I care about."

Or as I overheard a conversation between two good friends in the Capitol one afternoon:
Person 1: "Did you really mean that?!"
Person 2: (hushed tones) "Of course, I didn't mean any of that. You can ask me about anything I say inside this building as soon as we walk out tonight and I'll tell you if I meant any of it."

Or, as another high-ranking politician who is currently campaigning across our state for statewide office so aptly put it to a colleague (who asked if he could actually deliver on a big promise): "Sometimes you just have to tell people whatever they want to hear, even if you know it's not true."

That same person is someone I once thought to be fairly truthful and ethical. Many, many events showed me not only is he not truthful, but he's a natural at lying through his teeth.

He and I have had a number of uncomfortable conversations over the past year, as I have called him out on several things that he has done. My illusion of him as a "good guy" was shattered long ago, but it's hard to know what to say to my friends who don't know otherwise. It's hard to know what to say to him when approaches me.

I want to be honest and frank with him and tell him exactly what I think of his actions behind the scenes, rather than being a smiling, hand-shaking fake. But something holds me back.

Is it the fact that he is one of the highest governmental officials and one of the most powerful people in our state? Or is it the fact that so many people have warned me not to become his enemy "because he could do a lot to hurt you"? Or is it because I believe that he already knows in his heart of hearts what kind of a person he is and my saying something wouldn't do any good?

These are questions that I have pondered for months. I wrote him a long letter, but then I never mailed it. I still look at it often and wonder if I should revise it and just put it in the mail. Then other days, when I hear something about him through the rumor mill, I am grateful that I haven't sent it yet.

He called me again just last week. At first, when I saw it was him calling, I ignored the call, because I didn't feel prepared to talk with him after all that had transpired between us in recent months. But I answered when he called back later, wanting to know what I thought of him and who I was supporting in the election. I gave him a lot of vague answers, and told him that I didn't know who to trust anymore.

I acted like a politician. I wish I could have just been honest. But I don't think it would have been wise to make him mad by speaking the full truth, and neither does any other wise person that I've asked.

I know some people hate him for his deceitfulness and back-stabbing, but I don't at all. His ways are nauseating, but I wish I could respect him, believe him, trust him, as he again begged me to last week.

I feel compassion for him, knowing that his life is one of pretense and a thick crust that few can penetrate. His friends are probably, as my friend said the other day, "A bunch of fake people like him."

I remember a conversation with him a couple of years ago. I was talking to him about where he went to church. After telling me where, he chuckled and said, "But don't think I go there for any significant reason. Its just more like a community function and a tradition...not because it means anything to me!"

I have to wonder, does he ever think like the Psalmist, "No man cared for my soul?"
Does he wonder if anyone would even care about him if he wasn't powerful and influential? Does he ever wish he could just be real and leave these uncomfortable robes of pretense off? Does he ever wish that he could stop making speeches about things he doesn't mean?

I want the opportunity to appeal to him as someone who genuinely cares about him and his soul. He knows that if anyone knows some of the rotten things he's done, I do. He says that he cares greatly about what I think about him. I don't know if that's true at all or not. But, on some level maybe he wishes someone would just be honest with him. Maybe he wishes someone would just tell him that he can stop pretending and admit that he needs a Source of Truth that is bigger than himself.
I'm sure he's sick of being a smiling, hand-shaking fake.

Maybe he isn't sick enough of himself to repent - to quit - to walk the other direction, straight to the Cross of forgiveness. But maybe he is.

My prayer is that he will find himself sick of the ugliness of his deceitful heart and that he will want something genuinely good - the God of Heaven and Eternity - in his life.

If you think of him, will you join me in praying for his soul?

Myself - My Deadliest Foe

Note to younger readers: This blog post contains some sensitive topics – please ask your parents to check it out before reading. Thank you!

This post has been in the works for several days. I’m still reeling from the news of the fall of a “good” man.

I don't know why I'm surprised when I hear than any human being has failed miserably. But I am, every time that a friend stumbles into grave and ugly sin. Adultery, divorce, abuse, anger, bitterness, rebellion…. now child rape.

"How could they?!" I ask myself over and over again.

And then I remember that it could have been me.

This time it was somebody from the Capitol who I respected as a Christian man who was purposing to live a life of integrity and love his family. Sure, I knew he wasn’t perfect – far from it. Sometimes I saw him make decisions that were politically motivated more than they were completely about justice. I didn’t know him that well, but several of my really dear friends at the Capitol considered him one of their best friends and respected him as a man of integrity, morality, and character.

I have a hunch that Representative M. went to the Capitol, originally purposing to do some good in the world. I think he loved his wife and boys. I think he was a "good" man (by our human standards) who never would have dreamed of doing what he has been charged with.

I'm sure that as he was logged into the Cole County Jail the other day, he wondered what on earth had become of him and the man he planned to be. I sure he asked himself a hundred times why he had been so stupid; why he had ever thought that his sin wouldn't find him out.

*** *** ***

I still remember the day four years ago when I met Representative M.

I was totally new to the Capitol, trying with a friend to find my way around to the twelve offices of the committee members who would be hearing our bill in the morning.

I don't remember much of our exchange except that he took my information and listened. As we were getting ready to leave, he asked us where we were from and somehow seemed to assume we were Christians. He smiled pleasantly and said, "It's so nice to meet people like you up here. I was raised in a good Christian home with wonderful parents, and now that I have two little boys back at home I realize what a big responsibility I have to raise them up with Christian values in world like we live in today. It's a lot of work, but my wife and I love them to death, and I'd do anything for them. You know, it's really hard to kiss your family goodbye and leave them every week. But the reason I first decided to run for office was to make a better world for my boys when they grow up. So, it's worth the sacrifice to my wife and I when we remember that we're doing this for them."

I liked him there on the spot. Most of the politicians I had met were very business-like, but Representative M. seemed transparent, like you could glimpse a bit of his soul when he talked.

The next week, I was talking to the Committee Chairwoman about our bill, which Representative M. was not supportive of at the time. She had nothing but good things to say about him. I remember her looking up from her desk over the top of her glasses and saying, "Representative M. is one of our very best and brightest in the entire Missouri legislature. We all go to him for advice and I'm sorry to say that if he has a problem with a bill, then I have a problem with a bill. He's just of the caliber that makes you take his opinion seriously... and I listen to him on any bill that comes through my committee. He’s really a good man, with a tender conscience and a principled set of values."

That was four years ago.

*** *** ***

The years passed, and I saw Representative M. frequently. He wasn't supportive of our bill most of the time (he had a strong constituency who opposed it), but I still liked him and respected him in many ways, even when he refused to vote with us.

He was one of those guys who, unlike many politicians, seemed to exercise self-control and realize that life was about more than just living for today.

He always ran up the three flights of stairs, instead of taking the elevator that was just down the hall from his office. He was pleasant to people he didn't like or agree with, and he seemed to avoid some of the ethical breaches that many legislators found themselves falling into. He was willing to work hard and smart and earned himself an influential place - including hanging out with the Governor on private excursions. The moral conservative lobbyists made him one of their go-to guys because of his firm commitment to family values issues. Some legislators were known for their partying and wheeling-and-dealing. Representative M. was known for his strong conservative principles, his willingness to stand firm on his beliefs, and his ability to communicate effectively.

He seemed wise – one of the rare people who realized that every decision he made today would effect his tomorrow.

He was considered one of the rising stars of the conservative Republican Party - he was young, bright, articulate, personable, handsome, rich, and had impeccable credentials. A few people called him "The rich kid from St. Louis," but most people seemed to envy and admire the way he had everything and had it all "together."

On the House Floor, during debate, Representative M. was brilliant, witty, and nearly always on target with his comments. Even the Democrats found themselves smiling at the analogies he thought up on the spot. Whenever I saw him rise to a microphone, I would tell myself, "This is going to be good..." And it always was. I was either in stitches, or saying to myself, "Wow! Some people in government still use a lot of common sense!"

Since he was friends with several of the legislators who I was closest with, we frequently ended up in the same offices and the same conversations.

*** *** ***

Three nights before the legislative session ended this year (May), I was watching a legislator's children in a Capitol office, when Representative M. strolled in and asked what was up. The little girls began chattering away eagerly and Representative M., as usual, obliged them with funny stories and tales about his boys. I asked him how his family was, and he happily told me all the details of what his wife and boys were doing these days and how glad he would be to be back home and take a vacation with them over summer. Once again, I found myself impressed with him – he really seemed to love and miss his family, unlike many of the other guys at the Capitol.

Session ended a couple of days later. I went home. Some of the legislators stayed over and partied late into the night. According to police reports, sometime during the wee hours of the morning, Representative M. raped a 14 year old girl while her mother witnessed the incident. The girl's mother was a former legislative staffer who Representative M. had been having a secret affair with over the past year.

When the news was first reported a couple of days ago, as Representative M. was booked at the Cole County Jail, I found myself feeling disbelief.

Him? I could see other people at the Capitol doing that, but not him!

I texted a couple of my friends at the Capitol, “What?!”

They all replied, “Shocking… we can’t believe it either. He was a man who would have never dreamed of doing that to a girl. How? Why? We don’t know what happened to him either.”

The political blogs have been filled with comments about how Representative M. should be shot, beheaded, stoned, or locked in prison with the key thrown away. There has been an outpouring of angst against him, with many people saying, "These 'family values voters' Republicans that supposedly care about morality go around doing this?! We knew they were hypocrites all along! They don't approve of homosexuality, yet they do worse things!" and on and on...

Beyond the disbelief, rage, and calls for him to resign, I have to hope that Representative M.’s sad legacy will imprint itself deeply in the minds of not only the sleazy politicians, but the “best and brightest and most principled.”

As one of my lobbyist friends remarked yesterday, “It goes to show that no one is immune to sin, anywhere, and especially not in the Capitol world…”

I’m only speculating here, but I can only imagine that most likely this awful situation started out so innocently. The devil rarely appears with horns and a pitchfork in any of our lives.

I’m sure that it wasn’t an affair at first, just a pleasant staffer who he enjoyed being around..

Then it was adultery, but I guess he (and she) had some way of justifying it, and feeling certain that it would just be something between the two of them that would never be found out and would never hurt anybody.

He got used to living a double life – coming home to his wife as though he had been faithful throughout the week.

…Continuing his friendships with people who would have been appalled if they had any idea that he was living in adultery.

He had started out with the reputation of a “good man” – he had to maintain that front, and maintain it he did.

The final day of session, when Representative M. got up and headed back to the Capitol for his final day of work this year, I’m sure he would have been appalled if anyone would have suggested that he would rape a child before his day was over.

After all, he had been busy pushing legislation to allow the death penalty for child rapists.

I don’t know what happened or how it happened (other than that alcohol was involved, according to the police report), but I’m sure that when Representative M. headed back home to St. Louis the next morning, he had to wonder what kind of a person he had become.

He abruptly announced three days later that he would not seek re-election, and said that he and his wife had actually decided such “back in January, but didn’t want to tell anyone till the session ended…” What a load of guilt he must have been carrying. The girl hadn’t even reported the incident to the police yet, nor had her mother.

*** *** ***

I don’t know what will eventually happen to him. It looks like he may be facing up to 7 years in prison, if convicted (he’s already been indicted by a grand jury).

Whatever the case, I hope that Representative M.’s story will remind all of us “good people” who would never think of doing something like that, that we are all prone to fall in the most awful ways. We may shudder at what he did. I can assure you that a couple of years ago, he, too, would have shuddered at the thought of anyone doing such a thing.

I think of the story of David and Bathsheba… and Nathan the Prophet’s story of the poor man with the one little lamb. As David’s indignation rose in him, Nathan pointed the finger and said, “Thou art the man!” So, often we are doing the same things we condemn others for, but until God points the finger back at us, we don't see the deceitful, self-righteousness of our own hearts.

We have no idea of the depths of depravity lurking within each of our hearts. Especially if we’ve been raised in a “good” family, and never done anything “terrible.”

Representative M. was also raised in a "good Christian family" and lived a clean life and wanted his boys to grow up to do the same.

Martin Luther’s famous quote came to my mind: “I am more afraid of my own heart than of the pope and all of his cardinals.”

I am more afraid of my own heart than I am of the devil, of worldliness, of wrong influences, of humanism, or anything else. The battle for sin is won or lost there. It is I who chooses day by day if I will flee from sin or if I will embrace it little by little.

I would like to think that I would never succumb to unthinkable evil like Representative M, but I know myself a little too well. I know that “little” sin leads to big sin. That my mind can justify anything, a little bit at a time. That I can convince myself that something is necessary or acceptable in my circumstances. That my conscience can become dulled to the gentle promptings of God’s Holy Spirit, saying, “That isn’t holy like I am.”

I think the first step towards preventing us from finding ourselves in place like Representative M., is to realize the deceitfulness of our own hearts, and live wisely according to that knowledge.

That means confessing and repenting while things are “small.”

It means being accountable.

It means accepting God’s authorities and their wishes in my life, regardless of how uncomfortable I may find them at times. Rebellion starts when I think that I know what is good for me, better than my authorities do.

It means never allowing myself to become comfortable with a little “pet sin” in some back corner of my heart that I think will never hurt anyone.

It means knowing that my freedom in Christ will allow me to go places, to do things, to participate in activities, but that those things are not expedient for me and could lead my heart to places it should not go, and therefore I will not do those things.

It means living life humbly, realizing that “If not for the grace of God, there go I…

Myself, arch-traitor to myself;

My hollowest friend, my deadliest foe,

My clog whatever road I go.

-- Christina Rossetti

2008 Quotes from Politicians and Lobbyists in the Missouri Capitol

My good friend, Sarah Greek, who has spent a lot of time helping me lobby at the Capitol for the past two years is much more careful than I am to document the daily happenings there. She also has this penchant for keeping a log of all the funny quotes she hears each day. Some of them have been priceless!

In her latest post to the family blog, she has listed some of the best quotes she heard last month at the capitol. I'm so glad she wrote them down. In reading through her post, I was transported back to many days and conversations that happened a few short weeks ago. Check them out here

Here again!

It's been a long time since I've posted. It will probably be a little while longer before I get back into the routine of blogging regularly about normal life.

The last two weeks at the Capitol have been some of the most intense, exhausting, and emotionally unstable weeks of my life. That may sound like an overstatement, but it really isn't. I feel like I've only begun to recover from everything that happened. It's hard for anyone who wasn't there walking through the day to day situations to really understand what I'm talking about, but I covet your prayers as I attempt to work through all that happened, and as we decide on an appropriate response to the utter corruption that we witnessed.

I probably won't be elaborating a whole lot here on a public blog, but suffice to say I've been brought to tears many times this week at the thought of our Gracious God, and my unworthiness and sinfulness. More than anything, seeing the corruption and wickedness that lurks inside the Capitol walls has brought me to my knees. My heart is just as deceitful and desperately wicked as all of the rest of the politicians who I spent so much time with.

My motives have been re-examined, and I have been convicted of the need to seek a pure heart and a tender conscience above anything else in life.

I rejoice to know that my Father IS truth.
He IS light.
In Him is NO darkness at all!

Another day in the life of Mary

Blogging seems to be becoming a once a week discipline for me with my crazy schedule and my erratic internet connection. I guess some is better than none.

And the lack of pictures.... yes, it's because I'm only able to use my laptop right now, and my pictures are all in the other computer which seems to be ill currently.
I really miss updating you all with pictures... There will be a bunch whenever I can access them again.

.....

I've really been enjoying John Piper's book, The Godward Life, in recent days.
A snippet...

Truth is sacrificed on the altar of self-justification. It is an old tale. From Cain (Gen. 4:9) to American presidents, truth has been sacrificed to desire, and the mind has been shrewdly employed by the darkened heart to shroud its passions. This is the point of Romans 1:18: "They suppress the truth in unrighteousness."
Truth is held hostage by the unrighteous commitments of the heart.

I wonder what unrighteous commitments are holding truth hostage in my heart?
......

I have some very long posts in the works... one on marriage and forgiveness (yeah, right. I know, what do I know? Probably not much), and one on the pro-life movement and where they've missed the mark.
I'll try to finish them up soon and get them posted...

......

Tomorrow I go back to the Capitol for my last day there till next week. Sometimes it's a discouraging place to be. As my friend who was there with me today put it, "This is a place where nobody really likes anybody else, but they all pretend that everyone else is their best friend."
True. She figured that out pretty fast.

Then a lobbyist cornered me and asked which candidate I was supporting in a particular race. Um... ah... that was an uncomfortable question because of all of the politics going on surrounding this particular race and not something I was exactly planning to explain to just anybody... When I told him that I wasn't officially taking sides, he said, "Oh, well I heard that you were supporting ____ and I totally disagree with that choice..."
Um, no, I never said who I was supporting, but rumors travel fast, especially in the Capitol building. I straightened him out...

Then one of the legislators wanted to fill me in on the latest that he had learned about another legislator who recently committed a crime and hasn't been charged. The first legislator wanted me to rat on the other legislator. I didn't think it was the right time or my responsibility. I tried to explain why I couldn't do it. He didn't understand.

One of my favorite legislative staffers who is always nice seemed to be really mad about something that our group had done. But he wouldn't explain what the problem and was and just shut the door. There wasn't anything I could do because he obviously didn't even want to explain why he was mad at us. I hope I see him tomorrow and can ask him... well, actually I don't want to see him. I hate confrontation, but I want to know why he's upset so we can correct whatever it is.

Then I went to dinner with a lady who is some people might equate with the devil. I disagree with everything that she pours her life into, but she's bitter and hurting and needs Jesus. I love her, but dinner was slightly awkward.

I look forward to the day when I don't go back to the Capitol every week!

......

And now it's late, and here I sit blogging about nothing in particular instead of going to bed.
I think I'll close up shop for now...

......

Year in Review, Part 11

Last Day at the Capitol

Victory at last! Well, sort of.
The last day of the 2007 legislative session ended with our bill/amendment still intact, on the Governor's desk. Would he sign it into law? We couldn't tell any of our supporters, but an hour before session ended, a couple of us had been given the Governor's word that he would... Still, we knew that everyone would be tensely waiting and hoping that nothing would go wrong until the day that he picked up his pen and it was done!

One of the senators was hurrying down the hall to the Governor's press conference with the Leadership from the House and Senate shortly after session ended, and invited us to come along. So we followed him right through the Governor's office and out onto his private portico and listened to the legislators speak about all the things they had accomplished. It was hard to believe that one of the bills they were talking proudly about having passed contained the language that could free Missouri's midwives from the criminal charges they currently face if practicing!
Afterwards (above), we stood around and tried to decide what to do next. It was hard to believe that this day had come and it looked like midwives might soon be legal in Missouri. We wanted to party, take a nap, cry and shout for joy all at once!

It was with very mixed feelings that we packed up our stuff from all of the offices where it had sat for five months and said goodbye to the many legislators who had become our dear friends.
We hugged a few of the lobbyists and staff who had shown us the ropes around the Capitol, and looked back at the building that would always hold a piece of our lives. I didn't know if I'd be there on a regular basis ever again or not... I didn't know if in a few short months professional midwives would be legal and I would be back to pursuing my midwifery training and certification.
Little did I know of all that loomed ahead, and that the doctor's groups that opposed decriminalizing midwives weren't planning to give up any time soon!

(Note: The Governor did follow through and sign the bill a few weeks later, and our supporters flooded his office with thank you letters.)

Year in Review, Part 10

Stressful Days at the Capitol

As the legislative session was coming to a close in May, we were increasingly busy at the Capitol, reading bills (dozens of them, hundreds of pages thick!) every day, taking care of children so that their mothers could speak with their legislators, fighting every day to keep our midwifery provision that had passed from being stripped out in a subsequent bill.

Christy multi-tasking: Feeding Sammy his bottle, and scanning a bill for "bad amendments"

The last week was so very tense, as our bill lay safely on the Governor's desk waiting to be signed, and every day the opposition did their best to pass an amendment in another bill that would strip our midwifery provision out of the bill on his desk.

Every day the newspapers carried ugly stories about how the bill had passed (most of the senators weren't paying attention or reading the bill and did not realize that midwifery had been amended into a huge health/health insurance bill until after they had passed it).

Every day we wanted to explain to people what had really happened, but we couldn't tell the whole story for many sensitive reasons. To this day, we haven't even been able to tell our supporters the whole story, as the midwifery law is now tied up in the courts... and heading to the Missouri Supreme Court.

A crew of volunteers, mostly homebirth mothers, scanning bills in the Capitol cafeteria.
"Folks, we have to get through this 300 page bill in the next fifteen minutes and know if it's clean, because the senators are asking if it is safe to vote for..."
So, we pushed our lunch aside, tore off a chunk of pages for each person and started reading....

During that last week, those of us cloistered in an office reading bills furiously from morning to night (trying to catch all of the bad amendments the opposition was trying to insert) were under so much pressure not to miss anything or mess up when declaring a bill "clean" so that our supporters would know they were "safe" to vote on the bill currently being debated on the floor. Part of the time hordes of reporters would come by the office with their microphones, cameras, and notepads and press in, asking pointed questions, shoving microphones in front of us, asking to speak to particular people who they thought might have a juicy quote for them... Then we'd read the newspaper coverage and groan over the negative spin put on what we said, and call our supporters and ask them to respond to the flurry of blogging going on about the midwifery provision...
Tensely, we asked some of the volunteers to take the babies and children outside who were there for the day, and others of us had discussions about our maddening position.

What were we to do? What was the next right thing? Maybe all this work would be for naught and the opposition would find a way to sabotage us anyway.... Would the Governor even sign the bill? He was being pressured from many directions to veto it.
Some people cried, some people yelled, and some people buried themselves in the work there was to do! It was a long, miserable week.

Joanna is entertaining both herself and another volunteer's little girl by sliding down the
front steps of the Capitol!

I have read through 20 bills in the last hour! What an accomplishment!

Year in Review, Part 9

Real, Genuine Honesty in the Face of Insincerity

Magnolias in bloom on the Missouri Capitol lawn

I scribbled my thoughts on a scrap of paper and tucked in in my lobbying folder one afternoon at the Capitol last April. Reading it again today, my thoughts seemed so very relevant as I continue to encounter more and more of exactly what I wrote about. So, I'll share it below. And, yes, this has been my life for the past year! (I have left out names of particular legislators to protect their identities.)


It has been hard to go from my life of interacting mostly with my family and friends who are "just like me" to a life of interacting constantly with legislators, staff, and the public.

It's so easy to become superficial in this world... simply use people for what you need them for; then move on. It's easy not to take the time to just stop and love then and care about them. The Capitol is full of insincere people slapping each other on the back and oozing with flattery. It has been everywhere for the last couple of years that I've been there, and I've been well aware of it. But I had never fully felt the ugliness of insincerity till last week. Last week, it seemed to ooze from every pore in the granite walls and coat the marble steps. It seemed that everywhere I turned, there was another insincere smile from someone seeking their own interests.

I couldn't get away from it. I finally went outside and slumped on a bench under one of the magnolias and cried, "Oh, God! Am I becoming as insincere as the rest of the building? Am I genuine, honest, and real? Or am I just another smiling, hand-shaking fake? Do I really love anybody here? Do I really care about them?"

I thought about all of the forced smiles and pleasant comments that I had put on that very morning with the senators who hate my bill. Inwardly, I wanted to scream when I said "thank you" to the Floor Leader's office, but I didn't. I smiled, nodded, and acted grateful even though I was furious about what he was really doing behind the scenes. I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere to tell him what I thought of his actions, so I didn't.

I thought about the committee chairman who I had run into in the hall that morning. He told me that he had done what I had asked him to do - kill a bad bill coming through his committee. He grinned and said, "You owe me big, girl!" I had nodded, still shocked that he had actually done what I asked him to. I had stammered, "Yeah, I - I sure do!" That was genuine. I should have been shouting for joy over this improvement; but I only wanted to cry. I blamed it on the four hours of sleep a night that I was running on; the stress overload. I had barely been able to eat my lunch as I was still reeling from a horrible confrontation with a very angry senator. I still couldn't understand why she was so upset, and particularly at me!

And... oh, yes. I hadn't followed up with a thank you note to the Governor's office for the meeting we had on Wednesday. I was planning to write a gushy thank you letter. But, maybe, I decided... a simple, very genuine thank you would be more... more... the kind of person I wanted to be -- real and genuine. I decided to be real. Mom would be happy. She's always telling me to just simply be myself and not worry about impressing people when I'm worried about how I will come across at an important meeting.

Out the bench, the magnolia petals were dropping and being trampled by the hundreds of people strolling past each day. I cried out for a humble heart, a genuine love for lost people, and simple honesty. That sounded better to me than ___'s Rolex watches, french cuffs, and gold tie clasps. It sounded better than ___'s back slapping, flirting, and wining and dining anyone who he wanted to use. It sounded real. It sounded simple, and just plain good.

I smiled through my tears and went back inside to go to work with an honest heart and a genuine smile. My cell phone buzzed. It was one of the senators with some good news. Another real person, who's honest, who's always told me the truth, even if I didn't want to hear it.
His honesty was a breath of fresh air to my asphyxiating soul, choking on the fumes of a disingenuous Capitol world.

"Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place? He that hath clean hands and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully..." Ps. 24: 3,4

"He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from the holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil; He shall dwell on high.." Isaiah 33:15, 16

Above: The Missouri Senate in session ~ 2007

Above: Allison, Elizabeth, Mary - reading bills, and figuring out what to do next!

Above: It's been a long morning at the Capitol. Debbie, Keith, Mary over lunch

Pouring over amendments...

Year in Review, Part 2

One of the first things I did in 2007 was participating in an hour long interview on midwifery with a popular local talk radio station. It was a first time for me to do something like that, but thankfully there were also 2 other mothers, a homebirth dad, and a friendly physician taking part in the live discussion.
Little did I know that in a few short months, I would get as many as a dozen phone calls a day from reporters, all wanting an interview on the same subject!













About the same time, I headed back to our state capitol, to advocate for legalizing midwives in Missouri for the third year in a row.

I distinctly remember my trembling feet as I climbed the long set of stairs to the Capitol building three years ago... and my awe at the soaring architecture and figures high above my head. My sisters and friends who had agreed to come on my adventure all remember my nervous, "Okay, what do we do? Where do we go?" once we got inside the building.

We found the meeting going on in the Capitol basement, and were told to go find our state representative's office and bring him/her a fact sheet about midwives and tell them that we were there in support of the midwifery bill that had just been filed.
















My sisters and I still laugh about that day several years ago. We went to our state representative's office, hoping he wouldn't be in, because we didn't know what to say. It would be bad enough to drop the fact sheet off with his secretary and hope that she understood what we were there for!

Unfortunately, the representative himself was in his office, right behind the door and he asked me to explain my issue. (Talk about scary - and someone in a tweed suit from the Department of Corrections was sitting there beside him with a briefcase of papers strewn about... The corrections guy listened to my whole spiel with a smirk, which made me all the more nervous!)

To make a long story short, I left his office feeling totally foolish and wishing I had never come because I felt as though I had only hurt my cause. I went home and vowed to myself that I would never again come back to try to talk to an elected official because that was not "my thing" and I would never be able to comfortably and articulately explain myself to such people! I'd always known that people and speaking were my weak points in life... Why was I so silly to get into this?

A few months later, I was talked into coming back to the Capitol, and I've pretty much been there ever since, nearly every day that the legislators are there. I still hate public speaking and crowds of people, and thankfully manage to get out of most of that, but I have done things that I would have never thought possible a couple of years ago. I have testified before the Senate Committees, and have spoke (one-on-one) with a majority of the nearly 200 legislators who work in the building. Many of the senators who I once thought were so scary and unreachable are now good friends of mine. Many of the staff people who I preferred to quickly hand a fact sheet to and ask to "pass it on" now love to chat about their kids, cars, gardens, churches, and a million other things when I drop by their offices.

Every single day that I work at the Capitol, I am reminded of how I can't, but God can!
"When I am weak, then am I strong..." I am keenly aware of my inability when it comes to verbal communication, and I find myself constantly crying out for more help and grace from a God who is Big Enough that He never runs out or stops giving when I need it!

The Capitol is no longer frightening to me because it's a big building full of strange people. It's now familiar... almost as much as home. I know every secret stairway, storage room, and crack in the marble. I know the people walking around inside and they know me.

It's no longer scary or huge or unknown... But it's incredibly frustrating to know so much of what happens behind the scenes and be unable to do anything about it. It's so frustrating to know that in that building, justice doesn't always triumph, right doesn't always prevail. Sometime money wins. Sometimes power and greed and pride win at the end of the day.

With all that happens at the Capitol, I find myself needing constant reminders that God IS in control, and He can and will bring justice about someday.

I can't fix anything there, but He can!
I think that needs to be my mantra for 2008! : )