Saturday, September 25, 2010

Late Night Internet

I rarely get online anymore. It's sad and it's wonderful. After 5 years of spending 2-6 hours a night frantically replying to emails, my life is very different to say the least.

I used to have days at home more frequently when I could spend the whole morning and/or afternoon working through my crammed inboxes, and even squeezing in a bit of "fun stuff" (blogging and Facebooking). And when I didn't have time to catch up online during the day, I'd just miss part of my night of sleep "because things needed to get done" and emails desperately needed replies!

All of those possibilities changed when my family decided to go without internet for awhile as an experiment. That meant my only chances to get online were to run into our little town while the library was open between 9 and 5. (It's not like we live near a town big enough for places like Panera Bread... ) But I'm usually gone doing prenatal and postpartum visits and other work-related stuff from 8 am all the way til.... well, often late in the evening.

Thankfully, I had switched from a cell phone to a Blackberry at the beginning of this year, so checking messages, updating my Facebook status and basic tasks are possible, even when other internet doesn't exist. But, typing long messages is laborious and takes a long, long time on that poor little key pad. And blogging is definitely not possible. I could tether my Blackberry to my laptop, but the cellular service at our place happens to be so poor that it would take forever to load a page.

All this to say, internet is scarce and so is my time to get online. So emails pile up and don't get answered. People re-send them and ask if I received them. Sometimes the length of time it takes me to reply to a client or send them the forms or documents they've asked for is really unprofessional. Blogging certainly doesn't happen. Sigh. Every time I look at my inbox at the hundreds and hundreds of flagged emails and the hundreds and hundreds of unread emails that I DO need to read, I feel despondency welling up in me. I used to wonder how I would ever catch up answering the really important ones? Now I know that will never happen. Perhaps, I dream to myself, I can just keep up with the important ones that are coming in. Well, that doesn't come close to happening, either.

So... I look unprofessional, and important things never receive replies and I miss lots of good opportunities because I didn't even have time to read the email. Blogging doesn't happen.

But life goes on. I keep paddling and paddling, trying to keep my head above water as I catch babies. I love my life. It's just a little too much sometimes!

I was hoping that being offline for the most part would mean more time to spend in quiet, in reading God's Word, and just listening to His Voice. Unfortunately, my midwifery life has become so busy that my time with God has suffered greatly in recent months. I am determined to find a way to make that possible.... quantity, quality time with Jesus.

So, I may be blogging less, because I'm spending my time in the Word when I find a few moments to sneak away into quiet. Or maybe I'll blog a couple of good posts a month because I've actually sat with my journal and Bible for hours and I have stuff that I just have to share. I don't know. But whatever the case, Jesus is what I want and need. And I am pursuing Him, even if the emails pile up worse than ever, and this blog doesn't get touched til next year!