When My Needs Are Worship

It seems that I've had a lot of needs in the past couple of years. Things that send me crying to my Heavenly Father, begging Him for help, for wisdom, for what I need. Sometimes I don't even say what. I just sigh and say, "God, you know..." Some things in my heart are just beyond words.

Sometimes I feel ridiculously needy and wonder to myself, Does anyone else have a heart that wanders as much as mine? Does anyone else find themselves needing the Lord Jesus to change their heart as much as me? Does anyone else beg God for so many things? Does anyone else have so many loved ones with so many big problems that all need prayer?

Sometimes I feel like I should pull myself together and be a triumphant Christian, not such a desperately needy one... One who fails so often. Doesn't God wish that I'd come to Him more often with as a joyfully obedient Godly Christian, instead of being the always-nearly-falling-apart-person? Doesn't He wish that I had more days of smooth sailing, of radiating His Grace and Love? Doesn't He wish I had less of the days where all I can think is, "I need God... so much!" while I stumble through the moments and the problems and struggles and try (and fail) to speak and think as He would have me to?

Several nights ago I was driving home from a long day at the office, tired but happy with a mostly successful day of prenatals behind me. As the miles rolled by and the stars shone overhead, I was listening to the Gospels when the little word "worship" jumped out at me.

Speaking of Jesus: "There came a leper and worshiped Him, saying, 'Lord, if Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean'! " (Matthew 8:2)

The wretched leper-man didn't come and ask Jesus what he could do to show God's glory to his generation or kneel down and tell Him he would dedicate his life to service in the temple.

He didn't come to Jesus for his friends.

He came for himself.

He came, consumed by his messed up, broken life and his sad heart, living the life an outcast. He wanted his own skin made whole, the ugly stumps of his fingers to work again, to caress someone, to tend vineyards and build houses like other men did. He wanted to walk the streets without calling out, "Unclean! Unclean!" as little children screamed and ran. He wanted life again, not this existence.

He couldn't will away the ugliness that pervaded his life, and maybe his soul.

Was he a bitter man because of what had happened to him?

He came to the only One Who could make his life better.

He came because he thought Jesus could.

Bringing his own needs to Jesus was worship.

Because He came, acknowleging God as the One who could meet His needs!

In all of my beseeching God for wisdom and begging Him for things like knowing what to do with difficult relationships and cars with problems when I'm alone on the road at 2 am; things like keeping babies alive and stopping hemorrhages and dealing with people with severe mental problems; things like not knowing how to interact with certain people and knowing when to say "no" to people that never stop taking and seemingly wasting my time and energy; things like not knowing what to do for or say to friends who are going through horrible things in their marriages and families and homes and churches; things like feeling irritated with people and begging, "Help me to be nice, anyway, God!"; things that are deep in my heart.... aches, hurts, nagging worries...

In all of this asking, I don't tire God?!

He calls it worship?!

He delights in it when I see myself as the mere mortal that I am.

When I come as such, falling down at His feet, broken and hurting and worried and lost,

begging....

because, and only because

He is GOD!

He knows I'm just a broken, messed-up person anyway. We all are, if we'd admit it.

He never thought I was successful or victorious... He knew that I wasn't anything, and all I needed was Him.

When I fall down at His feet and utter, "Help me, Lord! My heart is so wrong today!"

He calls that worship.

None Can Ever Ask Too Much!

Thou art coming to a King,
Large petitions with thee bring;
For His grace and power are such,
None can ever ask too much.

- John Newton,
who also penned "Amazing Grace"

The Desire to Be Wise

O Christ...
Make us strong to overcome
The desire to be wise
And to be reputed wise
By others as ignorant as ourselves.
We turn from our wisdom
As well as from out folly
And flee to Thee,
The wisdom of God
And the power of God.

~ A. W. Tozer

Epaphras

"Epaphras. . . a servant of Christ, saluteth you, always labouring fervently for you in prayers, that ye may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.
For I bear him record, that he hath a great zeal for you, and them that are in Laodicea, and them in Hierapolis. . ." Colossians 4:12-13

How many of us have an Epaphras in our lives?

How many of us are Epaphras towards others with "great zeal" to see our brothers and sisters in Christ stand perfect and complete in the will of God?

How many of us labor fervently in prayer for more than our own needs?

The Living of These Days

Lo! The hosts of evil round us

Scorn Thy Christ, assail His ways!

Fears and doubts too long have bound us,

Free our hearts to work and praise.

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage,

For the living of these days.

Cure Thy children's warring madness,

Bend our pride to Thy control;

Shame our wanton, selfish gladness,

Rich in things and poor in soul.

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage,

Lest we miss Thy Kingdom's goal.

Set our feet on lofty places;

Gird our lives that they may be

Armed with Christ-like graces

In the fight to set man free.

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage,

That we fail not man nor Thee!

Save us from our weak resignation

To the evils we deplore;

Let the search for Thy salvation

Be our glory evermore.

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage,

Serving Thee whom we adore....

John Hughes, 1873-1932

Welsh hymn melody

What It Cost Thee...

Oh, teach me what it meaneth -

That cross uplifted high,

With One - the Man of Sorrows -

Condemned to bleed and die!

Oh teach me what it cost Thee

To make a sinner whole;

And teach me, Savior, teach me

The value of a soul!

- Lucy Bennett

Leonard Ravenhill once said, "God does not answer many prayers - they are too locked up in self-pity or aimed at personal benefit. He does answer desperate prayer." And until we get desperate for souls, our prayers for them may remain unanswered. For just as Jesus wept over Jerusalem, so should we weep over our lost loved ones if we really want to see them saved.

It was seven years before Carey baptized his first convert in India; it was seven years before Judson won his first disciple in Burmah; Morrison toiled seven years before the first Chinaman was brought to Christ; Moffat declares that he waited seven years to see the evident moving of the Holy Spirit upon the Bechuanas of Africa; Henry Richards wrought seven years in the Congo before his first convert was gained at Benza Mantaka. (A. J. Gordon, The Holy Spirit in Missions)

The most incredible case of persistence is found in the life of George Muller. Because he had much success early in his ministry in seeing the immediate conversion of many for whom he had just prayed, he got the impression that it would always be that way. But listen to his testimony concerning this, "If I say that during the fifty-four years and nine months that I have been a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ I have had thirty thousand answers to prayer, either in the same hour or the same day that the requests were made, I should not go a particle too far... But one or the other might suppose all my prayers have been thus promptly answered. No, not all of them. Sometimes I have had to wait weeks, months, or years; sometimes many years....

In November 1844, I began to pray for the conversion of five individuals. I prayed every day without one single intermission, whether sick or in health, on the land or on the sea. and whatever the pressure of my engagements might be. Eighteen months elapsed before the first of the five was converted. I thanked God and prayed on for the others. Five years elapsed, and then the second was converted. I thanked God for the second, and prayed on for the other three. Day by day I continued to pray for them, and six more years passed before the third was converted. I thanked God for the three, and went on praying for the other two. These two remain unconverted. The man to whom the riches of His grace has been given tens of thousands of answers to prayer, in the self-same hour or day on which they have been offered, has been praying day by day for nearly thirty-six years for the conversion of these two individuals, and yet they remain unconverted." (George Muller: Delighted in God by Roger Steer)

But this is not the end of the story. He kept on praying day after day, year after year and then he said, "The great point is never to give up till the answer comes. I have been praying sixty-three years and eight months for one man's conversion. He not saved yet but he will be. How can it be otherwise...I am praying."

The day came when Muller's friend received Christ. It did not come until Muller's casket was lowered into the ground. There, near an open grave, this friend gave his heart to God. Prayers of perserverance had won another battle. Muller's success may be summarized in four powerful words: "He did not quit." (No Easy Road, by Dick Eastman)

-- Taken from a little booklet our church as been going through during our Thursday night prayer meetings: Praying Effectively for the Lost, by Lee E. Thomas

I've been convicted and re-inspired to keep praying fervently for certain lost souls who have burdened my heart for a long time. I may never see the results, but I am called to be faithful and to interceed on their behalf. I hope you will be re-inspired to keep praying for the lost people in your life, too!

The Question of A Disappointed Woman

We sat alone together,

My empty heart and I -

My lonely heart,

My hungry, cheated heart -

We sat and reasoned why.

We asked each other why this thing should be.

We argued it together, drearily,

My hungry disappointed heart and I.

For we had asked no more

Than other women clamoured for, and got.

No, nor so much.

We asked a place to store

our treasure trove.

The right to pour and pour

Life's wine away. We did not want to take,

But, just to give, and give - for giving's sake.

"O God! O God!" I said.

"The other women cry to Thee for bread.

But give me crumbs; I shall be satisfied.

Give me the right to open my heart wide.

I would expend. 'Tis thus that women grow.

Lord, pity me. For Thou hast made me so!"

He heard me. Yes, He heard.

But life had slipped,

And He had said no word

(Or thus I thought), and so

I put my hand out, one dark night, and

gripped

His garment's hem...for He is very nigh.

To all who call upon Him...I had cried,

And He was there, beside.

My pillow. So, I said:

"Now Thou art here, I will not let Thee go

Till Thou hast answered

My earnest questioning

Explained away this thing.

For here am I,

Thy creature, and I cannot understand

Why Thou, Who openest Thy bounteous Hand

And satisfiest birds and beasts and flowers

With golden sunbeams and with silver showers,

And sendest winds to bless the violet,

Canst so forget

A woman...yea, a woman Thou hast set

Upon this earth, whether she will or no.

What has she done, that Thou should'st serve her so?

"Lord, there is comfort in Thee, when great ills

Afflict mankind. And when our erring wills

Lead us astray,

Then Thou hast planned a way

To rescue us. And in the hour of death,

Thy Life will triumph, so the Scripture said...

But - I can bring Thee no smooth shibboleth -

I ask today,

What hast Thou got to say

To women, in whose ears the crushing 'Nay'

Has sounded forth? Is there a salve?

If so,

I want to let the other women know."

* * *

"My little one," He said,

"You who have cried so piteously for bread,

But have not known

That woman does not live by bread alone.

In joy's swift ecstasy, or sorrow's night,

Can tempting winds lure her appetite?

And yet she lives! ... And is it, then, too much

To think that He,

Who made a woman's frame so skilfully,

And can sustain it without wheaten bread,

Can also see her spirit-nature fed?

What? Shall I let her life limp on a crutch?

And lead her passionate heart uncomforted?

"Why, Who first thought of Womansoul, and made her?

Whose musings moulded her?

Whose hands arrayed her

In fold on fold of winsome wistfulness?

Oh, it was I!

And yet, when women cry,

And seek for words to utter their distress,

They pray as though I neither know nor care;

As though Chance fashioned Woman, unaware.

They weep! And how they sigh!

As though I had a grudge against them.

. . . I!

"And thou would'st grow?

But how the lilies grow? They never fret

Nor grieve because they think I may forget

Their daily dole of sun and silver dew

They never strive

To keep themselves alive,

As human creatures do.

They never beckon far-off Happiness,

Nor beat back coming Woe.

I care for them; and shall I love thee less?

Not so, child! Oh, not so!"

"But life has slipped away," I whispered then.

"There's no time left for winds to blow again

And change my desert to a garden fair.

Look in my face! Look at my whitning hair!"

"No, 'time'? Nay, that is true! But,"

answered He,

"Wert thou not fashioned for Eternity?

Oh, tarry thou My leisure, child; for, see,

It doth not yet appear what thou shalt be."

* * *

And so, I am living by the day.

With just sufficient grace

To fill my own small place.

With just enough of quiet happiness

To spill a little here and there; to bless

Some lonelier heart on some more straitened way.

I do not cry or clamour any more;

Not shake the fast-locked door.

I am so sure that He Who holds the key

On the right day will open it for me.

- Faye Inchfawn, Homely Verses of A Home-Lover

My great-grandmother had this old book of poetry written by a woman around the turn of the century. She bequeathed it to my mother about 30 years ago. I'm hoping the little tattered volume will be mine some day! :)

Think Through Me

Think through me, Thoughts of God,
My Father, quiet me,
Till in Thy holy presence, hushed,
I think Thy thoughts with Thee.

Think through me, Thoughts of God,
That always, everywhere,
The stream that through my being flows,
May homeward pass in prayer.

Think through me, Thoughts of God,
And let my own thoughts be
Lost like sand-pools on the shore
Of the eternal sea.

- Amy Carmichael, Toward Jerusalem

Praying for the "Want To"

God's free and sovereign heart-changing work is our only hope. Therefore we must pray for a new heart. We must pray for the "want to [do what's right]" - "Incline my heart unto your testimonies" (Psalm 119: 36)... He has promised to do it: "I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes." (Ezekiel 36: 27)
"Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help [us want to do what we ought to do] in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

- John Piper, The Godward Life

Whew! What a Week!

There's always some new challenge to face - just when I think I'm "done" and can "coast" for a little while! The past week has brought a whole assortment of new "stuff" to deal with.

Although I have had my moments of wondering how and why right now, I found a paragraph in one of my favorite devotional books, Streams in the Desert, that quickly checked my doubts and worries... Why do I go to God in desperation, hoping that He can help me just enough to survive today?!

God's ability to perform is beyond our prayers - even our greatest prayers! I have recently been thinking of some of the requests I have made of Him innumerable times in my prayers. And what have I requested? I have asked for a cupful, while He owns the entire ocean! I have asked for one simple ray of light, while He holds the sun! My best asking falls immeasurably short of my Father's ability to give, which is far beyond what we could ever ask.
--John Henry Jowett

Year in Review, Part 16

Tuesday night prayer meetings...

Our pastor's family hosts a Tuesday night prayer meeting at their house, which we thoroughly enjoy... we usually end up praying later than 9 pm, and then we stay afterwards visiting for longer than we planned... and then we get home really late (we have an hour drive)... but it's worth it for the sweet fellowship!

Above: most of the young ladies, posing by the gate to the field

Did You Think to Pray?

Ere you left your room this morning,
Did you think to pray?
In the name of Christ, our Saviour,
Did you ask for loving favor?
As a shield today?

chorus:
Oh, how praying rests the weary!
Pray'r will change the night to day;
So when life seems dark and dreary,
Don't forget to pray.

When you met with great temptation,
Did you think to pray?
By His dying love and merit
Did you claim the Holy Spirit
As your guide and stay?
(chorus)

When your heart was filled with anger,
Did you think to pray?
Did you plead for grace, my brother,
That you might forgive another
Who had crossed your way?
(chorus)

When sore trials came upon you,
Did you think to pray?
When your soul was bowed in sorrow,
Balm of Gilead did you borrow
At the gates of day?
(chorus)

Some days when I'm singing this song, my head hangs low, remembering my neglect of prayer that day.
This past week, by God's grace, I've so enjoyed my mornings with time to pray - not in a rush, not with something that must be done in a few more minutes, but just time with the Saviour.
What a difference it does make!

I once heard a preacher say, "The devil gets up every morning and prepares to go to battle with you. Do you get up and get ready to face him, or do you go along with a skip and a song, blissfully unaware of the war camp just over the hill from your's?"