Monday, August 22, 2011

Days When I Hate Being a Midwife

It's been one of those days when I hate being a midwife. If I wasn't an adult, I would have jumped up and ran out of the office today and said I wasn't coming back.

Why do mamas who don't have many years left to have a baby and who've tried so hard to get pregnant for years and years and years have to be so bitterly crushed and disappointed... told that the little one growing inside them is no longer alive or growing?

And why do I have to dread answering my phone when I see it's a client... hoping that certainly, certainly nothing ELSE could have gone wrong today?!

And why do I have to hope that this woman's husband isn't abusing her and the kids behind closed doors?

And why does it seem like the whole world of mothers and babies and midwives is falling apart today? {I know it isn't really.}

And why do I have to meet with a doctor who hates midwives' guts and try to convince him that I DO care about these mothers and babies?

And why do liability and legality have to matter when all that should matter is if a mama and her baby get the best care for their situation?

And why did I ever want to do this in the first place??

Because I love them too much not to.
{Sometimes I refrain from signing off professional emails to them as "Love, Mary"}

I guess that's why my clients' awful days leave me heartsick, too.


Jonathan Smith said...

I think the greatest blessings often have the most effective disguises. May you see His light in the circumstances around you...

I have a hard time imagining the struggle it must be, but I thank God that there are people like you who do the work you do!


This as L heads out to a birth, and I'm home, needing to sleep. ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Mary. I'll be praying for you (and your clients) today.

MommaMindy said...

A thought that has soothed many of us who have lost children goes a little deeper than just "the baby is with Jesus." We like to encourage one another that we have just created an eternal worshipper, one little child who will never stray from the feet of Jesus.

You hurt deeply, because you love and care deeply. You can't have one without the other. Your pain speaks volumes of your passion for the Lord, people and the service you give. May the Lord lift up your weary hands and soothe your aching heart.