Monday, November 19, 2007

Eternity... Where?


Eternity, where?
It floats in the air....

As a little girl, the words to that song always sounded so strange. What did it mean?

Eternity can be frighteningly big and long and weird to think about... Especially if you don't know what eternity holds for you.

Most of my life, I haven't worried about eternity - for myself, anyway, because I settled that question as a very little girl.

I can confidently say:
Upon a life I did not live, Upon a death I did not die,
Upon another's life, another's death,
I stake my whole eternity.

Every time I quote that, the enormity and wonderfulness of the statement sends a thrill through me!

That word eternity also sends shivers up my back in a not-so-happy way when I think of many, many people who I know and love who do not love the One Who gave His life for them.

A few weeks ago, I was spending the night somewhere with a friend. I woke in the night and rolled over, seeing her sleeping form in the next bed, and a sadness drifted through me. I couldn't go back to sleep as I pondered the reality of her, now peacefully sleeping, someday oh, so soon, facing a Holy God to Who she will give account of every deed and word. Some such words she had just uttered that afternoon - an affront to the God who has long sought her and loved her.

She's a wonderfully sweet, intelligent person, one who I love dearly and would do anything for. And yet, her life, her actions, and yes, her very words, mock her Maker every day. She has created a god of her own imagination - one that is happy with whatever she chooses to do.

I spent awhile agonizing over where she is currently heading as she faces eternity, and then praying for her until I fell back asleep.

The next day I was reading a booklet which had an article entitled, "The Cry of the Soul of the Damned."

These lines just jumped off the page at me:
Why was intelligence given to me, that I might take care for my immortal soul,
and yet I did so little with it?
Why was reasoning given to me, yet I made light of any preparations for my future?
I was made with an immortal soul, and yet I lived as though there was no eternity...


Sometimes I hear non-Christian people say, But your God is so harsh. There is no room for anything but heaven or hell. Why would a good and loving God send people to hell... especially people who have lived good and decent lives and never hurt anybody?


In recent days, I've read a couple of quotes from various books that have spoken beautifully to this line of thinking:

~We are all sinners, from toddlers throwing temper tantrums to adults in road rage. Sin is rebellion against God - His laws, His provision, His Word. Sin is shaking our fist in the face of a perfect, holy, just, and loving God, and telling Him that we don't want to be told what to do.
Carolyn McCully

~Blame was the second sin. Adam fell by eating the forbidden fruit, but he cut himself off from restoration when he blamed God for giving him the woman who "caused" him to disobey. May we take responsibility for what we, the human race, have done (read the paper any day for a sampling of what we are like, or think back through your own failures!), and give God the glory for what HE has done (read the wondrous offer of salvation to sinners!)!
Anonymous

The greatest truth is that God is not severe -- sin is severe, and mankind is cruel.
Micheal Pearl

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Where I've been, and some thoughts for today...

It's been a whole week since I posted anything... even though it's been my goal every day since last Wednesday to get something up here...

I spent the weekend (Thurs-Sun) in Chicago working on legislative stuff, and then came home and succumbed to a nasty flu with a 104F fever, that has been generously shared between most of our family members. I have my fever down to 103 degrees today, but I'm still not up to catching up on my online life!

Until I'm "up and running" again, here's a few thoughts from C.S. Lewis and John Piper....


If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slim because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.
C.S. Lewis, 1941

That's it! The enemy of worship is not that our desire for pleasure is too strong but too weak! We have settled for a home, a family, a few friends, a television, a microwave oven, an occasion al night out, a yearly vacation, and perhaps a personal computer. We have accustomed ourselves to such meager, short-lived pleasures that our capacity for joy has shriveled. And so our worship has shriveled. Many can scarcely imagine what is meant by a "holiday by the sea" - worshiping the living God!
John Piper, Desiring God, 1986

And I venture to say that it is not necessarily that man's desires are too weak - for in his innate selfishness he seeks whatever he thinks will please him most. I think that mankind (me included) has no idea of the joy of loving, serving, and worshiping the Living God.

Somehow we prefer to believe our own minds that a new car or house or a better job would make us happier than God.

We are far too ignorant and foolish, because we don't take God seriously when He tells us that in His Presence is fullness of joy and at His right hand there are pleasures forever more. And that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him....

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

May A Mortal Sing Thy Name?















Mighty God, while angels bless Thee,
May a mortal sing Thy name?
Lord of men, as well as angels,
Thou art every creature's theme.
Lord of ev'ry land and nation;
Ancient of eternal days,
Sounded thro' the wide creation,
Be Thy just and endless praise.

For the grandeur of Thy nature,
Grand beyond a seraph's thought;
For the wonders of creation;
Works with skill and kindness wrought;
For Thy providence that governs
Thro' Thine empire's wide domain,
Wings an angel, guides a sparrow,
Blessed be Thy gentle reign,

But Thy rich, Thy free redemption,
Bright tho' veiled in darkness long;
Thought is poor and poor expression;
Who can sing that wondrous song?
Brightness of the Father's glory,
Shall Thy praise unuttered lie?
Break my tongue such guilty silence!
Sing the Lord who came to die.

From the highest throne of glory
To the cross of deepest woe,
Thou didst stoop to ransom captives;
Flow, my praise forever flow.
Reascend, immortal Saviour,
Leave Thy footstool, take Thy throne:
Thence return, and reign forever:
Be the kingdom all Thine own!
~ Robert Robinson

Singing this hymn always brings at least a few pangs of conviction to my heart.
It reaffirms to me the most noble and honored task I have of spreading the news of the glories of my Lord. And it reminds me how little and apathetically I do it.

I have several friends who are in various stages of marriage, courtship, engagement right now. As they should be, they are bursting with the wonders and greatness of the man they love. They almost appear bored if the conversation switches to something else. They are nice to their friends, but everyone can tell their heart is somewhere else. Their profile pictures online aren't just a picture of them; they are the best picture they can find that includes their sweetheart.

They don't have to try to focus on their lover... They almost have to force themselves to talk about something else and to talk politely to other people about other subjects.

Want to talk about how great their man is or hear about what wonderful things he has done for them this week? Their face lights up, and all aglow, they happily tell you everything wonderful they can think of! They never, ever run out of things to say about him. The rest of us see him as a great guy, but a mere human and smile at their sweet, blind love.

How often do the angels who bask in the presence of the great God, smile sadly at my weak estimation of His worth, my ignorant praise of his immense value, my slight comprehension of my pardon at Calvary, my weak "thank you" for my very breath and life?

How do I find myself struggling to find something to say about my Lord to someone I have just met who does not know anything of His worth, goodness, and majestic holiness?

Break my tongue such guilty silence!

That is my prayer for this weekend which I will spend with dozens of people who do not know the goodness of my Lord or even begin to comprehend His mercy extended to them.
Oh, for a tongue bursting with the glories and greatness of my God!

Monday, November 5, 2007

So Much to Do.....


Ever get up in the morning and just cry at the sight of all that stretches in front of you to do?
I don't. But I feel like it at times!

I have a to-do list today that seems to stretch endlessly into the horizon...
Calls to return, announcements to finalize, over a hundred emails that need to be responded to/dealt with(plus about another hundred that only need to be read!), several writing commitments to finish that are already past their deadlines, appointments that must be made before the close of business hours today, a critical meeting to prepare for, packages that must be mailed, clothes that need to be washed and packed, the list goes on.... It's so overwhelming that it's hard to know where to start..

But as I looked at my to-do list and sighed, I realized that a sigh is so opposite of what I should be doing.

I'm grateful that my Lord has entrusted me with a little corner of His Kingdom work. I am grateful that I have the energy to work on these things, the presence of mind to multi-task, a working computer to deal with all of it, and a family that cheerfully puts up with me on days when I barely step out of my office to grab the other phone line or a couple of bites of lunch...

I am grateful that I have much to do with every moment of my days. May I use each one wisely, and for what is best! May I never throw up my hands and complain that I have been given too much. May I thank my Heavenly Father for His wise and loving hand that graciously gives me all things to enjoy...

Friday, November 2, 2007

That is less of self, and more of Christ!

When you are forgotten or neglected,
or purposely set at naught,
and you don't sting,
and hurt with the insult or the oversight,
but your heart is happy,
being counted worthy
to suffer for Christ,
That is less of self and more of Christ!

When your good is evil spoken of,
when your wishes are crossed,
your advice disregarded,
your opinions ridiculed,
and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart,
or even defend yourself,
but take it all in patient, loving silence,
That is less of self and more of Christ!

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder,
any irregularity,
any impunctuality,
or any annoyance;
when you stand face to face with waste,
folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility,
and endure it as Jesus endured it,
That is less of self and more of Christ!

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation,
or to record your own good works,
or itch after commendation,
when you can truly love to be unknown,
That is less of self and more of Christ!

When you are content with any food, any offering,
any raiment, any climate, any society,
any solitude, any interruption
by the will of God,
That is less of self and more of Christ!

When you can see your brother prosper
and have his needs met,
and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit
and feel no envy nor question God,
while your own needs are far greater
and in desperate circumstances,
That is less of self, and more of Christ!

When you can receive correction and reproof
from one of less stature than yourself,
and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly,
finding no rebellion or resentment rising up
within your heart,
That is less of self, and more of Christ!

Author Unknown;
modified from a poem in
The Heartbeat of the Remnant magazine

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Desires, Expectations, Demands?

The objects of most of our desires are not evil. The problem is the way they tend to grow, and the control they come to exercise over our hearts.
Desires are a part of human existence, but they must also be held with an open hand....
The problem with desire is that in sinners it very quickly morphs into demand ("I must"). Demand is the closing of my fists over a desire. Even though I may be unaware that I have done it, I have left my proper position of submission to God. I have decided that I must have what I have set my heart on and nothing can stand in the way. I am no longer comforted by God's desire for me; I am threatened by it, because God's will potentially stands in the way of my demand....
There is a direct relationship between expectation and disappointment, and much of our disappointment in relationships is not because people have actually wronged us, but because they have failed to meet our expectations.

-Paul David Tripp,
Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands,

quoted in:
Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?
Trusting God With a Hope Deferred
By Carolyn McCully

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

And men loved darkness...













And this is condemnation,
that light is come into the world,
and men loved darkness...
John 3:10




Men loved their darkness - their hatred, strife, adultery,
envy, lying, pride, fear, selfishness, murder....

Wow. What lurks in my heart?
What darkness do I love that resides within?

Monday, October 29, 2007

Believing Beyond Our Pleasure and Convenience




Many of us are afraid to believe the Bible.
We might not admit it, but we are afraid of the implications
to our life if we really believe all of it, enough to obey it
beyond our reasoning, convenience, and mere pleasure.

-Doug Phillips (paraphrased)
How to Think Like A Christian

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Merciful kindness on a rainy day

It was impossible for me to celebrate my birthday yesterday without thinking frequently of my birthday last year. For those of you who have never heard the story, I've finally written it down...




The girls surprised me with a birthday party
about a month later, while I was recovering!
L-R: Leslie, Allison, Mary, Shannon
(Valarie not pictured)













It was Friday, October 27th, 2006 - My twenty-fourth birthday.

I spent the morning hurrying around, trying to finish up some laundry, housework, and packing. I had intended to leave by 11 am, to give myself plenty of time to make it to St Louis to spend the weekend with my friends up there. We had been trying to get together for a long time, and my birthday sounded like the perfect excuse for a weekend with the girls at Allison’s house. They had lots of fun excursions planned around the city for the following days.

My cell phone kept ringing and it seemed that I would never get out of the house. I was heading up a large project of launching a website with some developers the following Monday. The website project had kept me up most of every night for the past two weeks, and kept me busy all day long: writing content, editing, communicating with everyone involved. I was glad to just be leaving it all and go away for a couple of days. Sleep might not be more plentiful, but at least it would be a change of scenery from the computer at 3 am!

As I loaded my car, it was gray and drizzling, and I found myself soaking wet by the time I climbed inside and drove away. It was noon. A few miles from home as I pulled onto the four-lane highway, and headed towards St. Louis, I turned my wipers down. It was hardly raining anymore. Only an occasional spat hit the windows but the sky still looked dark and threatening. “Hmm…” I thought to myself. “I wonder if it will be raining tomorrow. Maybe we’ll have to do indoor stuff instead of see all the places we have planned on.”

As I passed the next small town, I noticed a van in the ditch. It looked like it has spun around and run into a cliff-like stand of rock along the roadside. Less than a mile ahead, a sports car was sitting in the median. “Oh, my!” I thought to myself. “The rain must have caused a lot of accidents.” I tapped my brake lightly to break my cruise, and continued heading east, allowing myself to slow just a bit below the speed limit. As I approached the next gradual hill, I could see through the gray fog, a state highway patrol car on my right. I noticed the lights flashing, and quickly obeyed the “Slow down, move over” slogan. I lightly tapped the brakes again, bringing my speed to about 60 mph and putting on my left turn signal to get in the other lane. I was now going up a hill and the car would naturally slow itself.

No sooner had I decided to move to the left lane when the back end of my car slid out to the right. I could feel myself sliding, zig-zagging across the road, then spinning at a dizzying speed. I remember gritting my teeth and crying out, “Help me, God!” I saw a pickup whiz by a few feet away. I wondered if the guy driving was steering around me spinning in the middle of the highway, or if he just happened to barely miss me. Everything seemed surreal, as I hung onto the wheel and felt myself sliding off the edge of the road into the median; then it seemed as though my head itself made impact with the pickup.

I slowly became aware that it was raining on my face. I opened my eyes in bewilderment, and looked around though what had been my windshield, now an empty hole. On my left was a pickup, the back end smashed in, and beyond that I could make out a gray mini-van pushed into the mound of earth that formed a natural barrier between the other two lanes of the highway. My face felt oddly warm and sticky, and as I touched my cheek, blood coated my hand. I looked down. Blood was on my arms, in my lap, and it was dripping off my face. Glass was everywhere. My head ached so badly it was hard to think, but I knew I must think. Where was I? Why was I here? Why was it raining? Was I in a car accident? Where had I been going anyway?

My partially eaten sandwich was laying on the floor; the pile of papers on the other seat were spattered with blood. I reached for my cell phone, and flipped it open and looked at the date and time. My birthday. Yes, this was my birthday. That’s right. But I couldn’t remember where I had been driving before I was here.

In my stupor, I could see that I couldn’t possibly get out of my car, so I decided that I should just call home and ask Dad to come get me. My little sister answered the phone. I told her I was in a car accident but I was fine and just needed her to tell Dad to come get me out of my car and figure out how to get it towed.

He was right there, eating lunch. Dad got on the phone. “Are you okay?!”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just feel kind of banged up. But if you can come get my car, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

"Okay, where are you?"

I couldn't remember. I didn't want to admit that I didn't know if I was a few minutes or hours from home. I had not idea where I was going when the accident happened. So, I told him about a business I could see from where I was sitting.

"Oh, sure. I know where that is. I'll be right there."

Just then, the highway patrolman walked up and asked if I was okay. I was alarmed that I was so confused, but I wasn’t worried about my pain. So, I told him I was fine except that I didn’t know what had happened. He had watched the whole accident occur from his car on the right side of the road, a few hundred feet back from where I ended up. He seemed pleased that I was conscious, and then told me that he had to run down the hill and try to slow traffic down. “Otherwise,” he panted, “We’ll have more people hitting you. This road's deadly today! But don’t move. Don’t do anything!” he barked. “Your neck might be broken! Don’t try to get out! The ambulance is coming!”

Suddenly I realized that maybe the blood and pain meant something. Maybe I was hurt more than I thought. “But I can still talk. And I just made a phone call.” I assured myself that I was okay and then I again drifted away again to the comfortable land of unconsciousness.

Some time later I became aware of hands pulling back my hair, someone’s perfume, and the rain – annoying rain in my face. The hands were putting a C-collar on me, something we had done to each other in EMT school a couple of years ago. Suddenly I remembered. You put C-collars on people when you think they might have a broken neck! Again I tried to remember what was happening. I heard my sister, Liz, asking, “Mare? Are you okay? You said you weren’t hurt when you called!”

It was too hard to remember things. Why did Liz think I had called? What was she doing here? Then I heard the medics figuring out how to put me on a backboard in the car, and then how to pull me out of the mangled wreck on the backboard. They tugged and pulled, and taped and squeezed, and finally I felt them wheeling me down the road in the rain, to the ambulance.

Then I overheard the first responders, the police officers, the medics, and all of the rest of the people at the scene talking about me and my car.

My car was rather infamous among some of my friends as the “Big white boat”… or the “Old lady car.” It was big and old, but it was dependable and that was all I needed. Sometimes I thought about getting a smaller car that wasn't quite so ancient, but finances never seemed to get me to that place. So I kept driving it. And thank God I did!


Though my mind was fuzzy as they wheeled me to the ambulance, I could clearly hear them saying, “It’s a miracle she was driving that car! If she’d been driving a newer car with more fiberglass and less steel to the body, it’s highly unlikely she would have survived the impact. Just look at how the steel crumpled in right where her head was! Imagine that impact with a modern car!”

As we made the long trip to the hospital, and I fought to remain awake, I kept remembering the impact of the pickup into my head and shoulder, now throbbing viciously… and wondering what would be wrong with me when I arrived at the Emergency Room.

A couple of hours and a few x-rays and stitches later, I was heading home, so painful I felt nauseous, but okay and with no “permanent damage” as the doctor put it. My clavicle (collar bone) was broken, my face was mildly cut up and had glass shards sticking out of it, and my acromio-clavicular (shoulder) joint was torn apart, but would heal with a few months of no lifting or stretching. My head ached like never before for days, and my thinking and memory took several weeks to return to almost normal.


But today I am fine. I am healthy and strong and have regained full range-of-motion in my shoulder. My mind works the same as it did before the wreck, and I haven’t pulled any glass out of my face since last winter.


I’m still thanking God that I drove that “old white boat” or the “steel tank” as we have lovingly called it since. And I’m thankful for His abundant mercy to me on that rainy day last October!


As I turned 25, I found myself with much to be grateful for, not the least of which was just to be alive and well!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Family Picture


We had our family picture taken at Family Camp this year...
I consider myself supremely blessed to have so many dear people to call mine.
It's amazing to think that next year the youngest person in the house will be a teenager.
Where has time gone?!