Monday, June 22, 2009

Dinnertime Conversation About Cow Tails

The conversation at our house is nearly always amusing, whether or not it was intended to be funny.

Jemima randomly remarked to me over supper tonight, "Mare, if you ever think you're having a bad day, and just need someone to thump you on the head, go milk the Holstein cow. I'm always sitting there peacefully milking when 'WHAP!' this hairless stubby tail hits me on the head.
She never fails to do that - every milking. It's almost as though she thinks I need it!"

I thought all of the cows had fairly long, hairy tails (you can tell how much time I spend out in the barn!), so I asked, "Hairless stubby tail? Doesn't she have a nice long, tassel at the end of her tail?"

Jemima started laughing and nearly choked on her water, obviously picturing something funny.

"What?" I asked innocently. "What happened to her tail?"

"Well," she began. "Remember the day that you stayed home and supervised Steve and Noah milking all the cows when I was in Oklahoma? Apparently Noah did something to it that day. You know, I came back from Oklahoma and the next morning, I headed out to milk like usual. I finished milking the Jersey and let her out of the barn. Then, I let the Holstein in like usual. Except something was weird. Her tail looked funny. Once I got her head in the stanchion, I just stared at her tail. There wasn't any hair hanging off of it anymore. It just ended in a hairless way... It looked like she had donated it to 'Locks of Love' or something. So, I got up and looked around the barn for the rest of her tail. And then I saw it - laying out in the barnyard, thrown against the fence! It was just laying there, all nice - like a hair donation."

By now I was laughing so hard, I couldn't finish my supper.

"So... you think Noah cut it off and threw it out there?!"

"Yes, I'm sure he did!" Jemima started recounting her imagination. "I bet he was sitting there on the little milking stool when she smacked him right in the face. I can just see him pulling out his pocket knife and getting up and saying, 'I'll fix you!' and cutting off all the hair and throwing it out there!"

Me: "You didn't ask him about it?"

Jemima: "No, I didn't ask. I didn't bring it up with him. I figured I'd better not. He probably already felt like a saint for milking my cows while I was on a trip, and then they treat him like that... Besides, she kind of deserved it. I was kind of secretly pleased and hoped she'd stop the tail smacking. But it hasn't helped a bit."

Added Joanna, "Except for the big dirty hairy part isn't long enough anymore to drag across your face when you're sitting there milking."

Concluded Jemima: "So, you just get smacked on the side of the head while you milk."

And then supper went on...


Anonymous said...

LOL! It was as funny in real life ... :)

natalie said...

I don't know if any of your milkmaids have glasses, but I personally find few things as aggravating as having a cow smack you upside the head with her tail, and THEN having the hair get caught in your glasses and have to be untangled while still preventing the cow from getting up to any further mischief.

Loved the story!

Hannah said...

LOL... that is sooo hilarious!

Joy Courville said...

This was hilarious!!! I read it out loud to most of the family and could hardly make it through the story because of laughing so hard.

Oh my.

:D :-)

Jana said...

LOL.... LOL... doesn't Mice tie up the tail like Joanna does?

Anonymous said...