Sunday, November 9, 2008

The God Who Is Enough

This past month has brought many challenges, struggles and questions in my life, which I cannot detail on a public blog, some of which simply raged privately in my own heart.

Some of the situations were ones that I had never imagined having to deal with. But here I was - things, people, decisions, situations staring me in the face.

I have found myself in a place of desperation over and over, my heart pounding, my stomach in knot. What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fail? What if I respond wrongly to this situation? What if I mistake God's will? Have I got myself in this place because of my own selfish or prideful choices? What will God do with this situation? How? What if I have foolishly ruined my testimony?

Time and again I have found myself in a place where I didn't know what to do. I couldn't fix it. I couldn't even walk on till I knew which way to walk.

Time and again, I have cried out to God in desperation... for answers, solutions, wisdom.

And I have found in Him just what I need. I have watched him turn situations around that I thought only had a couple of bad options. Instead He came through with a glorious miracle. And I have stood back in utter amazement that God truly can create beauty from ashes, not only in my life and heart, but in those around me. I have been shocked to see the work of God in the hearts of people that seemed impossible to reach.

A few weeks ago, I was begging God to deal with a situation and give me answers. And it dawned on me, that God might fix it in a way that would be more painful that I would ever want to imagine. I finally came to a place of surrendering it to God, and asking him to fix it no matter what the cost. I thought of David's response in II Samuel Chapter 24 when God offered him a choice of three punishments for his disobedience in numbering the people of Israel. David asked God to choose, saying that he knew that God was merciful. I, too, chose to fall on God's mercy and asked him to resolve it however He must, only to show me what to do. And God solved the seemingly gigantic problem with such a simple and beautiful solution that I was stunned. Again, the goodness of God, evident in my life.

A couple days ago, I received a shocking and horrible phone call in a very public place. Once again, my stomach in a knot, fighting tears, I could do nothing but cry out silently to my Heavenly Father once again. He has been my Rock. He has been Enough all of my life. I felt anything but peace about what the future could bring. But as my wild emotions churned inside, God gently whispered, "Have you forgotten what I have done for you already this month? Can I not solve this as easily as the other problems you have faced?"

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Ps. 23: 1-3

Though cold, dark winds are blowing through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil. I have never been in greener pastures than these. Never before have I seen my Shepherd's Hand on my life so keenly. I will walk on where He leads.

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