Another Week?

Has another week went by? For real?!?

I drove almost 1, 200 miles, two babies were born, I went to the Capitol twice, did numerous prenatal and postpartum visits, spent most of my nights sitting up typing up legislative reports and emails nearly til the sun came up and then I rushed off to appointments and meetings after a couple of hours of sleep. Tonight I worked furiously to try to pull together invoices for clients who have been asking for them for weeks... maybe months. I think some of them think their midwife is forgetful or a slacker or something. No, I just literally cannot keep up, even working 24 hours a day! And there's still a big pile of client charts on the table that need to be finished tonight. Several hours of charting. Stuff that would be pretty bad and pretty unprofessional not to have together. It's already after midnight. Hmm...

And tomorrow... well, Sundays are supposed to be my day off. But babies have gone breech (3 of them!) that are due right now. And their mothers are worrying and I need to see them tomorrow afternoon so that they can make appointments to do something about it on Monday if they're still breech... I have to wonder why God added this to my week? I thought He wanted me to get a little MORE sleep?!

I want to mop the dining room, reply to my friends' emails, talk to my mom, visit my sister, plan flower gardens, run, and do laundry.

I guess this week was meant to be politics, birth, and paperwork instead.

Now, back to the charting....

Mine to Do... and Not Mine to Do

Seriously?!

I just spent my four hours of rare quiet, unscheduled time on a Sunday evening emailing a bazillion legislative updates, because I need to leave for my day of prenatals at 7 am tomorrow.... and most of the "updates" pertain to stuff that MUST be done/figured out by the legislative committee tomorrow while I'm ignoring my emails and doing prenatal visits and preparing to drive back to Jefferson City to sit through a meeting I'd desperately like to escape from instead.

Sometimes I wonder if my clients have any idea of how much work I do just to be ABLE to serve them legally. Not how much work it is to serve them. Just for that right or ability to be mine....

Sometimes I wonder if they have any clue how much I'd LIKE to "rest more" or "take it easy" sometimes when they tell me to!

And every day this year I'm trying to be very conscious of what God has given me to do, and what He hasn't told me to do. I'm trying to ignore the stuff that isn't mine to do no matter how loudly it screams or how the tyranny of the urgent wants to run my life.

And I'm trying to do the stuff He wants me to do no matter how much people don't understand why.... And I'm trying to do it even on Sunday nights when for once I could go sit outside and listen to the spring peepers and the last thing in the world I want to do is sit here and write long, long emails about legislation.

Domesticity!

I knew I needed to work on taxes and birth certificates and charting and bill-paying and email-answering the whole long day today. (As is the case, pretty much every day, in addition to catching babies and a whole array of other things in my life.)

But today was my first almost whole day at home since I don't know when. A week ago, probably.

I couldn't bear to not fulfill at least a few of my domestic desires. So, I cleaned the kitchen and washed a mountain of dishes with Ruth. And that still wasn't enough, so I decided to roast a chicken with garlic and herbs overnight in the slow-cooker... And put some oats on to soak for a healthier breakfast in the morning. And I really, really wanted to bake something ... like this amazing-sounding lemon pound cake recipe that I've been drooling over on Natalie's blog. But, as usual, it needed to be sugar-free, and coming up with 3 cups of sugar substitute might kind of change a recipe a little too much. So, I opted to bake a Walnut-Raisin Spice Cake with Lemon Glaze. It took nearly an hour to put the batter together, but I wasn't disappointed with the results - it's definitely the fluffiest cake I've ever made, AND ranks up there among the most moist. Who wouldn't love it? My brother, Sam had asked me to bake "something yummy" all day. There's always satisfaction in seeing the smile spread over his face as I hand him a big slice of semi-healthy, really awesome cake. :)

So... I didn't get quite as much paperwork done, but I had a much better day!

Even if I did paperwork/replied to emails 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week, I wouldn't get it all done. So, I am trying to feel less guilty about just doing what I can and then being reasonable and saying, "Ok, ten hours of that is enough for today. I'm going to help my family for a few hours or cook dinner."

One of my goals for 2011 is to be okay with not getting everything done. To be okay with saying "no" to things I really want to/should do, but absolutely don't have time for.

On days when I "just say no" to things that I honestly do NOT have time for, I feel so much better! Those are rare days. Hopefully, 2011 will have many days like that!

I Wonder What Jesus Did?

I've GOT to spend more time soaking up and savoring the Words of God for my life....

But how? People matter. God loves people. Even when Jesus tried to escape the multitudes and they found Him and asked Him to help, he stopped and helped. He touched the sick ones and he made them well. He fed the hungry ones. He taught them. He loved them. He never rebuked them for coming to Him or told them to go away and stop thronging him.

My life is consumed by people. People call me all day long. People send me sometimes hundreds of emails in day. There's no way I can reply to all of them. People stop by the house constantly. People, people, people... My life is filled with serving the needs of people, and on the side, trying to voluntarily show love to a few who haven't asked.

I don't know what to do. I wish I did. I love people and I love serving people. People have done so much for me. I'm so grateful for all of the people in my life.

But... I still don't know what to do.

I imagine this is how mothers of little children feel. The constant needs, around the clock....

I wonder how Jesus felt. I wonder how He decided when to reach out and heal one more sick person when He was trying to leave to go somewhere and pray? I wonder what He thought when He went to the other side of the sea and all of the people showed up there and wanted Him?

Living Today

My dear friend Joy has an excellent post on her blog about living in the here and now, and not the imagined or hoped-for future.

"Somehow over the brief years of my pilgrimage thus far on this earth I have had my eyes more focused on the end and have had the attitude of bracing my teeth and just enduring what was happening at the moment, thinking that soon this would be over. There would be some change in my life, surely there had to be some grand change that would make everything better. And so the days have slipped by, one by one, each day forever gone. It’s sobering to think about. And yet, there isn’t anything I can do about yesterday. And my tomorrow isn’t even guaranteed..."
Read the rest over at her blog: Living Today

Spare Time?

It is what you do when you have nothing to do
that reveals what you are.

Today Matters

I used to say, "Sometimes life gets so busy that it's hard to prioritize things and do what is really important..."

That's not true any more. My life is ALWAYS too busy to do everything I need to do. Priorities is a life saving word for me right now, but it still doesn't totally work on a moment by moment basis.

At the end of the day, sometimes I feel satisfied that I got a lot done, but I never feel that I got enough done.

At midnight, there are always 50 more emails to answer, so many things that my little sisters wanted me to do with them, so many documents that I promised to mail to various people, so many more commitments.... There's the feeling of guilt that I missed an important conference call, that I just don't have time to reply to some people who write with questions about this or that, the sinking feeling that I just can't return all of the phone calls I get, that I haven't finished a long over-due article that was promised a publication months earlier...

There's the ugly feeling that I'm doing too many things to do a good job at anything. I love organization and order. My life is currently anything but that. I seem to be perpetually late these days, racing from one thing to another, constantly crossing the non-urgent things off my list, substituting the most urgent things to do... Wishing that I had time to actually do a good job on some project I undertake, rather than looking like I am always late, disorganized, and frantic!

And then there's the nagging, guilty feeling that I haven't done what really mattered - love people. In a tangible way. Sure, everything I do is ministry, stuff I don't get paid for, stuff I'm doing for other people. But often times at the end of the day, I have to ask myself, did my family feel noticed, valued, loved, served... like they were important to me... more so than my projects?

I know feeling guilty about my lack of time to do everything I have to do isn't going to fix the problem. Better time management might help a little, but for the most part, I try not to let a single minute of my day be idle... So, I still haven't come up with the solution... the balance between people and projects.

I want to have God's priorities, and see things the way He does. He showed me yesterday.

I was rushing around town to appointments and running errands. My cell phone ringing constantly, people telling me that there were "emergencies" everywhere that I needed to help them fix. Some of my email hadn't come through, and people at the Capitol needed certain documents NOW. I didn't have my laptop with me and I didn't have time to stop and find internet anyway to re-send things. I wasn't organized for an important meeting in the morning and with my phone ringing constantly, and traffic rather crazy, I didn't even have time to think though what I would say.... My stress level was high, I was agonizing over a decision that would affect my future for a long, long time...

I stopped to see a friend who is on bed rest for a threatened miscarriage. Right over her sofa where she has spent the last few weeks, trying to keep her baby, she had a big red plaque with two simple words. "Today Matters."

I came in the door, feeling flustered and those two words hit me like a ton of bricks.

Today Matters.

Yes.
That's right.
The way I treat people today matters.
I can't plan to make a better start tomorrow.
I only have today, right now.
And what is important?
What really matters?
Why don't I live in this moment?

Yes, they won't get their emails, but I can't do anything about it right now.
But I can love this person in front of me, and encourage her.
She IS doing what matters.

What else of more value can we take with us to eternity?

Today Matters.

I walked out of her door, thanking God that He had reminded me.

Some Men Die...

Some men die in battle,
Some men die in flames,
But most men die inch by inch
While playing silly little games.

So Much to Do.....

Ever get up in the morning and just cry at the sight of all that stretches in front of you to do?
I don't. But I feel like it at times!

I have a to-do list today that seems to stretch endlessly into the horizon...
Calls to return, announcements to finalize, over a hundred emails that need to be responded to/dealt with(plus about another hundred that only need to be read!), several writing commitments to finish that are already past their deadlines, appointments that must be made before the close of business hours today, a critical meeting to prepare for, packages that must be mailed, clothes that need to be washed and packed, the list goes on.... It's so overwhelming that it's hard to know where to start..

But as I looked at my to-do list and sighed, I realized that a sigh is so opposite of what I should be doing.

I'm grateful that my Lord has entrusted me with a little corner of His Kingdom work. I am grateful that I have the energy to work on these things, the presence of mind to multi-task, a working computer to deal with all of it, and a family that cheerfully puts up with me on days when I barely step out of my office to grab the other phone line or a couple of bites of lunch...

I am grateful that I have much to do with every moment of my days. May I use each one wisely, and for what is best! May I never throw up my hands and complain that I have been given too much. May I thank my Heavenly Father for His wise and loving hand that graciously gives me all things to enjoy...

Wasted Opportunity

As I spend time reviewing what I am doing with my life - my years, my months, days, hours, and minutes, I see so many places where I waste time. When I look at what I have invested my time into, I see much wood, hay, and stubble that someday will be nothing but ashes.

I was reminded while reading Genesis 1-4 that God DOES allow people to waste the richest opportunities in the world. The choice is up to foolish, sinful man. Man gets to choose if he will be wise with what God gives him or if he will foolishly make fleshly choices and throw it all away.

Adam and Eve had a life of unimaginable opportunities and joy in the garden of Eden - perfect harmony and love in relationships, God Himself walking with them every day. They had an opportunity never before or since enjoyed by man. Yet they threw it all away with one simple taste of forbidden pleasure and ruined their lives and that of every generation to come.

I have to wonder if Adam and Eve often looked at each other many times in the years that followed and shook their heads sadly - "How foolish we were! We lost all of that for one bite of this?"

Some days I fear that I will arrive at the end of my life and say, "I threw all of that away for this?!" As the old hymn asks us, "Will I stand before my Saviour and empty handed be?"

How many people do I pass by in a day without a thought for their eternal souls? How different would I live my life if I had spent one hour in hell, seeing the rich man lifting up his eyes in torment, begging for a drop of water? How many people does my life influence for eternity? Or do I simply drift through their lives, leaving no impression of their Creator, of their and my eternal destiny?

I must be more than a nice person. I must be more than kind. I must be more than good.
I must be a beacon of God's eternal truth, shining on their hearts. I must speak the truth in love - that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.

I don't know of another person in the world more blessed than I - I have a Godly heritage, wise and kind parents, loving family and friends, a good mind, health and a strong body, vast opportunities to impact the Kingdom of God at my doorstep...

I tremble at times when I remember the words of my Lord, "To whom much has been given, much shall be required."

May I be found a faithful servant, who does her Lord's bidding in deep gratitude and humility. When He comes, may He find me "so doing."