A Summer Away From Facebook

I'm sure some of my friends wonder what happened and why I left Facebook for now, after being a prolific Facebook poster for several years. There really wasn't (and isn't) any stunningly huge reason, other than that I simply felt the Lord asking me to do it. It was amazing how simple it was for me to give it up, too. I just said, "Okay, Lord" and actually began looking forward to life without Facebook for awhile.

It started this spring, as the Lord began convicting me of attitudes and habits in my life that didn't please Him. And chief of all sins, was that my habits and ways of wrong thinking didn't bother me enough to change them. I wanted to change them... I'd resolve to do better... but so soon I'd be living the same old busy, self-absorbed, God-forgetting, people-pleasing way.

Which meant that I really wasn't very serious about changing. People who say they're preparing to be professional athletes or musicians and can barely squeeze in a little time each day to practice show by their actions what really matters to them in life. They can say whatever they want to about their desires and goals, but it's obvious to everyone where their priorities lie. So lived I my life.

God brought it up to me over and over. I was miserable - trapped in a life of pressing needs and clamoring noise, knowing I needed God more, but living a barren inner life. How can one give God to others if you aren't full of Him yourself?

My dear sister-in-law gave me a book on Brokenness that I managed to read in snatches over Spring. The Lord used that book to show me how wrong, dead wrong my heart was. I was existing as a Christian, looking like and acting like one to all the world around me, but not living, fully living - drinking at the Springs of Living water, every day, all day any more....

The difference between doing and being something is so vastly huge! I realized that although I still looked and acted much the same outwardly as I did back when my heart was right, inwardly I was withering. I'd lived the Christian life long enough, that I could get up every morning and "do" it... be kind, servant-hearted, cheerful, forgiving... but did I love God with all my heart? Did I crave Him? Did I still know and walk with Him as I used to?

I then spent a few days at a Bible conference, seeking God. He kept peeling back the layers of my heart with every message I heard, every chapter in the Bible that I read, and every time I sought God in prayer. Showing me my heart, probing into the corners... reminding me that He resists the proud but gives grace to the humble and that He is near to the brokenhearted.

Did I really care more about living a life that people agree with and being a person who they like, or did I care most about what God wanted from my life? ...All so elementary, but all so fresh again when your heart is all wrong and you didn't even realize the half of the ugliness of it all!

There was also another situation going on in a friend's life that had been heavy on my heart for months. During this time, God pointed His finger at my heart as the prophet Nathan once did to King David and said, "Thou art the man!" All of the grieving I had done over this dear, dear friend of mine growing cold towards and then leaving her husband and children.... God showed me that she had done it to another sinful human being... but I had done it to Him, my Creator, Redeemer, the Holy, Almighty God. I no longer loved him like I should, not because I had any reason not to love Him, but just because I was busy and full of everything but God. I can rarely remember being so convicted and grieved by my own sin and my own heart as at that moment as I realized that God's words from James 4:4 rang true in my own life: "Ye adulterers and adulteresses...!"

God brought me to a point of desperation to again have a pure heart, a broken and contrite heart before Him, a heart that I wouldn't exchange even a little piece of for anything in all the world or in all of this life.... A heart desperately hungry for God... to love Him, to know Him, to delight in Him, and Him alone!

All of these things I've always said in my head. There's never been a day in the last twenty years, when I haven't thought these things or wanted my relationship with Jesus Christ to be like that.

But living these things is different. It's one thing to resolve to know and love God as He is worthy of. It's an entirely different thing to roll yourself out of bed an hour or two earlier after only a few hours of sleep to seek Him until you find Him, instead of just functioning on fumes. It's one thing to realize that you need God more than anything else in the world. It's an entirely different thing to live that way - to let urgent work pile up and cancel fun events because there is nothing that needs to be done more than to commune with God and listen to His voice.

As the Lord humbled me and crumbled every last little thing that I might have thought I was doing "good" or right, I began to desperately want to bring Him pleasure, and the slightest care about what anyone else thought or approved of faded. It has become one of my goals this year to live for an audience of One - God, and Him alone.

Which brings us to Facebook. Sometimes Facebook makes me feel like I live in a viewing tank with many folks visiting my life and sharing their opinions. It's not all bad, in fact, often it's helpful or nice. My goals for Facebook have always been to encourage and inspire others to seek what matters most in life; to make them think; to be real and honest about myself, and if nothing else, to just make people smile. But, in my quest for seeking the pleasure of an audience of One, I thought that might be easiest without the distraction of other people's commentary on my life or opinions. :)

Facebook hasn't taken up a ton of my time in the last year because I rarely log onto it when I'm on the computer. I usually just Facebook from my Blackberry while I'm waiting in line or elsewhere have 2 minutes with "nothing else to do."

Nothing else, that is... except seek God. He can be sought anywhere. I don't ever see myself having a slow-paced life and easy routine that makes it easy to seek God and spend lots of time in His Word. I don't have slow mornings in my jammies with tea and my Bible. I have 2 am calls from frantic mamas who need me now.... or if I wake up in my own bed in the morning, there's an incredible amount of things to be done around here, like my own mother needing my help. Evenings are no better. Days are non-stop. Sometimes there just are a hundred things that HAVE to be done.

Mothers of little ones find this true. You can't wait to nurse the baby just because you haven't spent some time with the Lord yet. The toddler wakes up at 5:30, crying that he's wet again... and the four year old wakes up throwing up, regardless of whether you've read your Bible or had enough sleep. Sometimes you just have to be a mom. Some days I just have to be a midwife, and a sister and daughter and caregiver....

But above all, I HAVE to seek God. I have to love Him. I have to know Him. I have to live for Him! THAT is the cry of my heart. If my heart is desperate enough, I will seek Him daily and above all else in life!

I plan to come to back to Facebook and I'm not making a lot of other major changes to life... except that regardless of what else happens, I need God.... enough of Him to fill my heart to overflowing, every day. And I intend to live that way!

Grace Like.... Taco Salad

While I'm publishing stuff that's sat in draft form for way too long, here's another old post that I never published.

Re-reading it brought a smile to my face.

I hope it does the same for you. :)

Today's been quite a day. But it's been full of grace... grace I didn't deserve. Not only is God far kinder than I deserve, but so are people in my life!

Today really started with yesterday, when my car broke down as I was leaving an emergency ultrasound appointment with a client. The car started acting funny, then funnier, then downright scary when I managed to jerk into a nearby church parking lot before it totally stopped working. Dad and Sam were so kind to come to my rescue and bring me over to Mom and Dad's 31rst wedding anniversary celebration that I was missing!

Today, Abe loaded up the car and hauled it home. The days of the good old green car may be numbered. (I bought it less than a year ago.) It seems like the transmission AND an axle decided to have major problems at the same time. Oh yes... and the brakes. That's after the $500 repair on something else last month.

I do drive the poor thing a lot.

Anyway, my dad graciously agreed to let me use his car til we can fix mine (if it's worth doing that) or figure out a Plan B. So, he unloaded his tools from the work car this morning and handed me the keys.

My mother kindly made the seven trips from the house to the car loading all of my birth and prenatal bags, charts, oxygen tank and all of the other midwife supplies that have to accompany me everywhere I go. I was upstairs, replying to urgent legislative emails when she brought me a fresh fruit smoothie before I ran out the door. My mom doesn't have to be that nice. She just is.

I headed off to do prenatals, finding that this car has all of the quirks that Dad warned me about, plus a few other problems. But it runs, and it works in drive and reverse. I learned that the brakes work minimally and one should start braking a block away from the upcoming stop light. Thankfully, I learned that on a gravel road this morning when a large cow trailer stopped suddenly on the road in front of me and I slid gently into it, stomping hard on the brakes.

Dad's car looks so awful that it's almost hilarious! I definitely look like a charity case or a drug dealer (take your pick) pulling up at people's house.

So, away I went in my lovely car. I stopped by a former client's house to return some books she'd loaned me last fall. She looked soooo happy to see me, and scooped up her sweet little girl and put her in my arms. "Isn't she beautiful?! I've missed you!!!" and a hundred other things tumbled out of her mouth. The client who never chatted or said much beside the necessary stuff at prenatals. I thought she didn't particularly like me. Some days I wondered if she just wasn't the emotional or friendly type. But today, she almost cried that I had stopped to see her, and she had to show me all of her baby's pictures on her digital camera. I realized for the first time that she really did like me a lot, and she counted me among her good friends.

My happiness was short-lived though, when I arrived at my Amish client's house to find that she wasn't there. With no phone to call her and re-schedule, it could be tricky to catch her at home in the next couple days. So I wrote her a note and left it on the kitchen table.

I got a text from another client: "Did I have an appointment at your office at 10?"

I groaned. I must not have wrote her appointment down in my schedule book after we'd be emailing and she had rescheduled it... great. Now, she had driven a long way for her appointment, and had taken off work. This was just not .... good. She'd have to sit there all morning waiting for me to get there from Amish country and she needed to get back to work.

I thought fast and told her to go back to work and I'd make up by coming for an evening home visit. I knew she wasn't happy and I had just messed up her whole day. I apologized. She said it was okay, but I could hear in her voice that it wasn't okay. I felt horrible. But, there was nothing left to do... So, I went on with the day's errands and headed to the office.

One of my clients told me that she wanted me to keep the extra $200 that they'd paid me. Really?

Then I did initial visits for several new clients - and I love them!

And then regular prenatals. A baby that has been breech for awhile is now vertex! Grace.

Thank you, God.

And then I met my sister at the sonographer's for her ultrasound. Some of it looked better than we had hoped. Some looked a little concerning. Grace.

Then I rushed to the town where my client lives who'd come to the office in vain that morning. She invited me for a dinner of taco salad with her and her husband. A much better choice than fast food or the handful of almonds I still had in my car. Grace. I'd just missed her appointment this morning, and she had felt horrible the whole day, and the drive had made her feel worse... and yet, they served me taco salad with a smile. And we talked about her upcoming birth, and her mom, and her hopes and fears. Grace. Big grace.

And then I drove the old white boat of a car home, listening to the Ipod that another client gave me several years ago. And I thought about Grace...

Getting what I don't deserve. That's me. That's my life. That's my God!

The Joys of Email

2:00 am. I guess I should go to bed.

Eight hours of staring at my laptop this evening and the unread messages have been reduced from 3, 426 to 1980.

About 100 replies sent.

The flagged emails... well, there's still a couple thousand of those, but certainly most of them are too old to even answer at this point.

At least the pregnant women who requested initial client packets a full month ago finally received them. I'm sure they've hired other midwives by now, but hey... at least I finally did what I said I was going to - emailed them a packet of information!

I have a dream....... that some day I shall have an inbox that I can keep organized and enough time to reply to all the people who so badly want or need a reply.

I doubt that will ever happen, but it's kind of fun to imagine! :)

I'm going to bed with a good feeling that some of my unread emails have now been read and replied to. It's the little things in life, right?

A Week of Grace

It's been quite a week!

It started with the transmission in my car going out on Sunday.

So, that meant that I've been begging cars off people to drive all week. My dad has been really generous and let me drive his old clunker on prenatal days. For some reason, all of our other nicer, newer vehicles break down and have problems at least occasionally. The old white beast that he bought at an auction ($300) for the younger kids to learn to drive in? It never, ever breaks down. The door handles don't work, and the windows don't roll up and down, and it's hard to start, and the gas tank is weird, and the speedometer doesn't work, and the lights and wipers take special talent to operate... BUT it runs, once you get it started. And it sure turns heads! You'd think I was a drug-dealer or something...

The Missouri State Medical Association seems to be pulling some fast tricks on us this week. I received a really bizarre email from their main lobbyist and several of the other ladies have been getting weird phone calls. Basically, they all decided overnight that they all love midwives and they want to expand our practice in Missouri, instead of encroach on it. They want us to all sit down and tell them what we dream of for the future so they can help us however they can.

Yeah, right. I wish it could be true. I so wish it was true.

In a way, it's a good thing to hear, coming from them because it means they're desperate and out of all tactics other than trying to be our friends. We just have to figure out how to respond. "Wise as serpents, and harmless as doves" has come to mind so many times today.

I just can't get away from politics...

Then there's been other things - lots of situations and stories and happenings. All in about a week's time, there have been two shootings or murders in the news - children murdering their own parents. And we've known the family, or close relatives of the family in both cases. It makes me pray for the hearts of each child in our family. And Japan's earthquake... it could have just as easily been us. Sometimes life is just tragic, ugly, uncomprehendable.... it is what sinners make of it. But God, who made life is always good, true, just, all together lovely.

Through the whole week of car problems, insincere politicians and lobbyists; unspeakable violence and tragedy, there's been Grace. I've thought about it all week. When my car broke down, I saw Grace in my dad handing me the keys to his car so freely and kindly. When I had a couple of nights of very little sleep, I saw Grace as my already over-worked mother came to my rescue and helped me pull some things together. I saw Grace as people were nice to me when I didn't deserve it. I saw Grace when someone I don't even know sent me a gift of money (just in time to pay a bill). I saw Grace when all of my breech babies turned back to head-down! I saw Grace all week, around every corner and under every stone in my path!

...Grace to cover all my sins, and grace to cover all the things I like and don't like. Grace to be cheerful and keep working and smiling when I am utterly exhausted. Grace to rest and know that it is God, not me that will accomplish that which He pleases in my life. Grace to trust that I'll have the money I need when I need it, and not waste energy fretting over unexpected big bills. Grace to believe that some of the most awful, shattered things could some day be a trophy of God's grace. Grace to believe that my God is always good, and to believe it enough that every day is a new morning of tender mercies and a reason to rejoice!

This could have been considered a "difficult" week... but instead I consider it a happy week ~ one full of Grace!

"When morning guilds the skies, my heart awakening cries, May Jesus Christ be praised!"

Another Week?

Has another week went by? For real?!?

I drove almost 1, 200 miles, two babies were born, I went to the Capitol twice, did numerous prenatal and postpartum visits, spent most of my nights sitting up typing up legislative reports and emails nearly til the sun came up and then I rushed off to appointments and meetings after a couple of hours of sleep. Tonight I worked furiously to try to pull together invoices for clients who have been asking for them for weeks... maybe months. I think some of them think their midwife is forgetful or a slacker or something. No, I just literally cannot keep up, even working 24 hours a day! And there's still a big pile of client charts on the table that need to be finished tonight. Several hours of charting. Stuff that would be pretty bad and pretty unprofessional not to have together. It's already after midnight. Hmm...

And tomorrow... well, Sundays are supposed to be my day off. But babies have gone breech (3 of them!) that are due right now. And their mothers are worrying and I need to see them tomorrow afternoon so that they can make appointments to do something about it on Monday if they're still breech... I have to wonder why God added this to my week? I thought He wanted me to get a little MORE sleep?!

I want to mop the dining room, reply to my friends' emails, talk to my mom, visit my sister, plan flower gardens, run, and do laundry.

I guess this week was meant to be politics, birth, and paperwork instead.

Now, back to the charting....

Late Night Internet

I rarely get online anymore. It's sad and it's wonderful. After 5 years of spending 2-6 hours a night frantically replying to emails, my life is very different to say the least.

I used to have days at home more frequently when I could spend the whole morning and/or afternoon working through my crammed inboxes, and even squeezing in a bit of "fun stuff" (blogging and Facebooking). And when I didn't have time to catch up online during the day, I'd just miss part of my night of sleep "because things needed to get done" and emails desperately needed replies!

All of those possibilities changed when my family decided to go without internet for awhile as an experiment. That meant my only chances to get online were to run into our little town while the library was open between 9 and 5. (It's not like we live near a town big enough for places like Panera Bread... ) But I'm usually gone doing prenatal and postpartum visits and other work-related stuff from 8 am all the way til.... well, often late in the evening.

Thankfully, I had switched from a cell phone to a Blackberry at the beginning of this year, so checking messages, updating my Facebook status and basic tasks are possible, even when other internet doesn't exist. But, typing long messages is laborious and takes a long, long time on that poor little key pad. And blogging is definitely not possible. I could tether my Blackberry to my laptop, but the cellular service at our place happens to be so poor that it would take forever to load a page.

All this to say, internet is scarce and so is my time to get online. So emails pile up and don't get answered. People re-send them and ask if I received them. Sometimes the length of time it takes me to reply to a client or send them the forms or documents they've asked for is really unprofessional. Blogging certainly doesn't happen. Sigh. Every time I look at my inbox at the hundreds and hundreds of flagged emails and the hundreds and hundreds of unread emails that I DO need to read, I feel despondency welling up in me. I used to wonder how I would ever catch up answering the really important ones? Now I know that will never happen. Perhaps, I dream to myself, I can just keep up with the important ones that are coming in. Well, that doesn't come close to happening, either.

So... I look unprofessional, and important things never receive replies and I miss lots of good opportunities because I didn't even have time to read the email. Blogging doesn't happen.

But life goes on. I keep paddling and paddling, trying to keep my head above water as I catch babies. I love my life. It's just a little too much sometimes!

I was hoping that being offline for the most part would mean more time to spend in quiet, in reading God's Word, and just listening to His Voice. Unfortunately, my midwifery life has become so busy that my time with God has suffered greatly in recent months. I am determined to find a way to make that possible.... quantity, quality time with Jesus.

So, I may be blogging less, because I'm spending my time in the Word when I find a few moments to sneak away into quiet. Or maybe I'll blog a couple of good posts a month because I've actually sat with my journal and Bible for hours and I have stuff that I just have to share. I don't know. But whatever the case, Jesus is what I want and need. And I am pursuing Him, even if the emails pile up worse than ever, and this blog doesn't get touched til next year!

Life in August....

It's been nearly a whole month since I last made a peep here.

Many days I've thought wistfully of trying to get on and blog a quick update, but alas, life has rolled on and the blog, while not forgotten, has been left in the dust! I'm sorry about that. I'm trying to get back to some sort of a schedule (that will include blogging) as September comes, and I switch gears from studying to living life in some sort of "normal" way! :)

August has been so busy, sometimes stressful, but really, really good in so many ways.
The first half of the month, I tried to do nothing but absolute necessities and studying for my midwife national board exam. Most days I tried to study, but a stream of constant interruptions kept me from getting much done.

Then I took the exam. I think I've been asked about 150 times since then, "So, how did it go? How do you think you did?!" So, I'll answer that question right here, before you all start asking. I don't know the results yet. I'm hopeful that I passed, but I'm not holding my breath... yet. I will let you know when I know something. :)

The day after I took the exam, our good friend, Ellie, and her four darling babies arrived to stay with us for a month so she can have a bit of rest and relaxation. Our house has had a steady stream of additional visitors coming through every day since. Yesterday we had 13 extra little kids from three families at our house. Today, we had 8 little kids under the age of 4 here, four kids a bit older than that, and a handful of teens/young people. I walked in the door from church and four little ones ran screeching towards me and grabbed my legs as I stepped over the boiled eggs that they had smashed all over the floor. Thaddeus wiped his runny nose across my cheek and CarolAnne shrieked, "Hold CaaarooolAnne first!"

To be honest, the dinner time sounds tonight over smashed biscuits and gravy all over the table made me feel like I was living within a monkey cage rather than a house inhabited by humans. :)
But I love them an awful lot. I just have to have a few moments to think occasionally. :)

And now these darling babies hanging over my elbows while I type are becoming a bit much to allow me to continue blogging. I think I'll try to finish another time... Goodnight for now!

An Update on Life

The past week was a whirlwind of traveling - first to Arkansas for a wedding, then back for local stuff near home and then off to Birmingham, AL for a midwifery conference. I arrived home yesterday afternoon, just in time to head off to church with my family. :)

And now... I'm spending the next week holed up in a house in the woods a couple miles from where my family lives. I have the delightful job of house-sitting at such a time as this - when I need to study during every spare second. It's just me... and a very annoying Schnauzer who believes that he must sit beside me on the couch, stand beside me in the kitchen, and try to climb in bed with me at night! (I never did like dogs that much... and I really don't like them in the house!)

Today was the first day in quite a while that was dedicated to my stack of textbooks that must be read by mid-August.
But most of the day was spent fixing a flat tire, and running errands, and re-scheduling appointments for tomorrow. My little sisters, Ruth and Joanna, are spending the night with me tonight. I will take them home early in the morning and then head off to my appointments. Tomorrow afternoon looks as though it holds a few hours for study. We shall see if that happens.

If things happen the way I want them to, you won't be hearing much from me for a bit and I'll be deep in Varney and Frye....

My 300th post. Wow!

This is my 300th post to my blog. It feels kinda historic! Anyway, I'm just glad I've had the consistency to keep blogging semi-regularily since late 2007! I really enjoy blogging when I can find the time, so I hope to continue to blog til ???

If I don't know you read my blog, I'd love to know you exist - either by becoming one of my "followers", leaving me a comment or emailing me at wewouldseejesus {at} gmail {dot} com. :)



It's late, or rather, early. I really should go to bed. Especially after last night. Sarah and I talked til the inordinate hour of.... well, I shan't say. But it wasn't too long before the sun came up. And then we had to get up and go back to the Capitol before long. Thankfully Halley came early, because we arrived late.

But I've been away from my blog too long, so I'll leave you with a few ramblings about my life, before I head upstairs...

Today was a good one. There were lots of little things that were just nice... and happy.

I'm spending a few days at the Capitol again, keeping an eye on bills as the session winds down for the year. The pace is so different from last year, though. We're not trying to pass anything. Just make sure nothing bad (like a repeal of our new midwifery law) happens. It's sooo much easier to just stop bad things, than to try to find the strength to push and shove a bill across the finish line.

And I can't even begin to say how nice it has been to have Sarah and Halley at the Capitol taking my place this year. I really felt like I could NOT go back another year full time. Years of being there had just been enough and I felt like it was time to refresh my soul somewhere else!

After a few days of gray skies and rain and mud, the sun shone gloriously today. As I drove back across town this morning, flowers were smiling cheerfully from yards everywhere.
No wind, just a beautiful, still day with a bright sky overhead. The Capitol lawn is so lovely this time of year. I could sit there for hours and read a book or just think, but today I only had time to hustle past the bus loads of school kids and hurry inside.

I'm just really sorry that I missed the magnolias that surround the Capitol. I've been there to see them bloom for four years, and this year when I came back, their petals were just lying on the ground, old and brown.

When I arrived this morning, I found a parking space right on the circle drive around the Capitol. No parking garage fees, and best of all my car 2 blocks closer to the Capitol! Happiness!

And I found a bit of time to study in between talking to lobbyists who had to fill me in on what I hadn't seen or heard the day before.

It was Ice Cream Day at the Capitol. It's served in the rotunda - big, heaping banana splits for everyone walking through the Capitol who wanted one. (Yesterday was Pie Day - Senator Champion served about 15 kinds of pie all afternoon to anyone and everyone who wanted some.) Those serving the free food must groan when they see the 90 children on a field trip coming towards their table!

Anyway, I'm digressing... I had a banana split and found a few minutes to sit and eat it and talk to Halley and make plans with her. I'm so excited that she's going to get to come to do some prenatals with my preceptor and me this summer!

Session ended early! The sun was still shining when Sarah and I wrapped up our work and left the building! That felt amazing, considering it's the end of session.

Then I headed across town to get some shopping done for an upcoming wedding. (I wasn't really very successful in finding the gift I wanted, but oh well.) Who should I meet at the front register but Mr. and Mrs. Nisbett?! It was so fun to bump into them there!

Back at home, my family is busy planting the garden. And harvesting... I cannot believe how well our greens and baby spinach and lettuce is doing. I brought a big bag of it with me, and am piling my lunch sandwiches full of fresh greens each day. Yum!

I plan to drive home tomorrow afternoon. And then another busy day starts over.

I've been thinking about I Thess. 5:6 all day:
"Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober."

I'm so complacent and sleepy at times when it comes to my life that it is scary.
I must ask myself constantly, Am I living an intentional life or just drifting with what comes my way?
Dilligence requires action on my part. Soberness requires an alertness and an awareness to life around me.

Sarah just reminded me last night of the command to "keep yourselves in the love of God." Yes, in the love of God. That is where I want to be. Sober, watching, happy

One Crazy Month Down, One to Go

Inauguration Day festivities in Jefferson City brought out a large group of midwifery supporters.
Here we are over at the Supreme Court building, getting ready to go greet our new Attorney General.

Jan. 2009

Oh, dear! Has it really been almost a whole month since I posted on my blog?

My life has been a blur ... a long series of visitors, meetings, clinicals, paperwork, email, and driving. I'm looking forward to the deadlines and events of February being over and gone so I can get back to living a little more sanely.... I hope.

I was in Illinois this morning... I'm heading for Kansas tomorrow for the weekend. And all the while our annual "Cookie Day" at the Capitol with our special speaker - Jennifer Block - author of "Pushed: The Painful Truth About Modern Maternity Care" - is supposed to be successfully pulled off next Tuesday. That means media alerts, coordination of hundreds of people, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Whew!

I really do hope to get back to frequent blog posts again... soon. Don't go away!

December Days...

Once again, it's been a long time since I've posted.

No, I didn't get sick. (Praise the Lord!!) Matter of fact, I told one of my sisters the other day, "I can't believe how good I feel when I've had a decent amount of sleep! I could be the Energizer Bunny today!"

Most days the sleep department has been a little short, but that's okay. I've been so immersed in clinicals that I barely have had time to breathe this past week. I love playing the primary role under supervision... I learn the most that way. Who needs sleep when they could be catching a baby instead? : ) And my CPM preceptor is great. She knows what I'm thinking and I know what she's thinking before either of us say anything (usually!). I'm so grateful to have someone to work with and learn from who shares my worldview and with whom I get along so splendidly!

My family has been no less busy with their own projects. Tonight was our bi-weekly Friday night Bible study at our house. We had 21 kids under 10 here! And the house was relatively quiet. That was amazing!

Several of the girls tried to get the year-end letter written this week. But each time they wrote a few paragraphs and then gave up saying, "How do you condense our life into a couple of pages? We need an annual edition of our yearly chronicle!"
Really, though, we have to get it written and print those family pictures and get it in the mail! It's going to be 2009 way too soon!

I wish I was three different places tonight...

Congratulations to my dear friends Halley (in Columbia) and Jessica (in Springfield) who are graduating as RN's tonight!
Congratulations to Allison (in St. Louis) who is celebrating her recent engagement to Brian tonight!
Congratulations to Robyn who graduates as a nurse tomorrow... and really deserves some kind of Purple Heart for managing to go through nursing school, be a midwife, and raise 11 children simultaneously! I wish I could hear her valedictorian speech tomorrow about God's grace in her life in the midst of all of this!
And best wishes to Steff who is hosting a meeting in her home near Kansas City for policy makers focused on fixing our U.S. maternity care system tomorrow afternoon... She's hoping that Tom Daschle makes it there... and so do I!

And I've promised some Africa pictures from the boys... Unfortunately, they are not home this week to tell me if my captions are correct. Anyone who was there or knows is welcome to comment, correcting my captions!

October Reflections

I'm back home again!
I'm another year older!
My brothers just left for Africa till December!
We are about to see a new leader of the free world - scary!
Whew! Life just never seems to slow down...

...But in the moments that I stop to savor what God has given me, I find life to be unutterably good and precious.

My birthday has always been a time of sober reflection, of realizing how quickly my life is passing. But two years ago, my birthday took on a new angle of sober reflection. How long I could have been gone from this earth. After my car accident on my birthday in 2006 where the paramedics told me that I had come a couple of inches of metal away from death, I now have something additional to think about.
This birthday, as I thought about it, I realized that I could have easily already have been dead and gone for the past 2 years. Does that sound morbid? It's reality, and as much as any of us like to think of a full and happy life, the truth is that we only have today. Tomorrow we may find ourselves staring eternity in the face.

If my life were to end tomorrow, would I be happy with the way I have chosen to spend my days?
If my life were to end tomorrow, would I leave behind a clear slate - good relationships with my fellow man, a good conscience toward God and man?


If my life were to end tomorrow, would I find that I had given up much of eternal value only to gain the temporal joys that my heart craves?

Or would I find myself in the presence of the Treasure which I had sold all for?

Hot Summer Days and No Time for Rest!

My blogging seems to be getting more and more infrequent these days. It certainly doesn't mean that nothing is happening in my life - rather quite the contrary!

In recent days life has been filled with lots and lots of company, canning spaghetti sauce and peaches, sharing the gospel at the fair, campaigning across the state, and long sweaty days in the garden. Usually, those things all kind of run together. Like, picking tomatoes at 7 am, canning peaches at 10 am, then leaving for the fair to do an afternoon shift at our gospel tent, picking up a friend or two along the way who needs a ride back to our house to stay for a few days, then hammering in some yard signs, and door knocking with some campaign fliers, then coming home to sisters frantically setting the table for several families who have spontaneously showed up for dinner (this summer we've been averaging about 5-10 people per day stopping by for a visit!), washing dishes, visiting with whoever is hanging around, canning some more, finding sheets and beds for whoever decided to spend the night, frantically replying to a few emails at midnight, starting a couple of loads of laundry, and then dropping into bed!