All the Men You Don't Marry...

There was a day last summer when a young bachelor called my Dad and bluntly said, "I'm so-and-so, and I'm friends with so-and-so, and he suggested that you have three daughters that are nice young women. Do you think any of them would be interested in marrying me?"

We all laughed when Dad told us about the conversation. We all three looked at each other and said, "So, he just wants 'a wife'... any one of us who will marry him? He doesn't really care specifically who it is?" For a number of reasons, none of us were interested in pursuing a relationship, (our parents didn't think it was wise, either) but we wished him the best, and prayed that he would find a good wife.

My sisters and I frequently joke that all the guys we would marry never ask, and the guys we would never consider marrying ask too frequently for our peace of mind. Sometimes it's annoying to be pursued by a guy who just can't seem to "get it"... that you aren't going to marry him, and long patience isn't going to change things.

As a single person, "helpful" friends, relatives and acquaintances like to ask who there might be and why you would or wouldn't marry these "potentials".

It is easy to get in the habit of explaining to people why you don't want to marry him. Friends often say, "Really, I don't know why you wouldn't. He really seems to like you and your family. He seems like a decent guy to me... Why not? What if you loose this chance? Do you want to be single forever?"

It's easy to launch into a defense of your position (lest they think that you're just letting wonderful opportunities pass you by!), stating his serious character flaws, lack of moral purity or self-control in his life, his poor judgment with finances, his personality traits that drive you crazy... the things he's said that have made you absolutely certain that he must be put on the list of "would never marry" guys.

But is this really the right way to deal with all the men that you don't want to marry?

I was challenged in this area when I read Carolyn McCulley's excellent book,
"Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God With a Hope Deferred."

I found a lot of thought-provoking passages about living single womanhood to the glory of God. I found a lot of practical wisdom about attitudes and actions. I found a lot of encouragement to trust God's sovereignty even if I find myself single at age forty (as Carolyn has).

One section titled, "All the Men You Don't Marry" was something I'd never before seen in a book on singleness, but it hit home. I hope that you will find it relevant, regardless of your marital status.